Seems Like I'm Sick Again (Sis Gave Me Stuff Too)

I mean, my stomach problems may be back. I was never really cured of it, was I?
I'm not so sure. I stopped seeing my doctor and taking my meds, I seemed fine for a while.

Until quite recently, I dunno, I had food poisoning last week? I can't remember. Checking my Twitter, it was on the 23rd, it's been nearly 2 weeks. In between, I also got my period.


At first I didn't care for it, nor did I notice it so much, but ever since the poisoning, I realised that I had like, an automatic aversion to some things, and I also noticed that even when I am just taking a few bites during Iftar, I start getting super nauseous. I don't end up throwing up immediately but the nausea was immediate.

My family's noticed me complaining about things making me nauseous, smells and stuff.
God forbid that I'm pregnant because:

1) I'm single as fuck.
2) I'm having my period.
3) My boobs are still small.


Right now I'm having migraine and just some other thingies.
My stomach has been hurting like hell, like, physically. It's as if I just did sit-ups but no, I never did.


I'm not doing anything like strenuous exercise either. It just hurts. Period.


Physical pain D:


I'm like, angry and tired of it. I hate having to deal with my stomach. Stomach related pain is something I seemed to have since I was small and you know, I'm just tired of it.


Doctors are tired of my face, I'm tired of their faces.
It's a neverending cycle.


I can still function well, yes, but it ain't fun when you suddenly double over from the pain.



Or you wake up with these...I guess stomach cramps...? That you'd rather not wake up at all.


I don't wanna talk to my dad about it because he'll just make my blood boil.
My mom's like "Are you drinking milk?"

"Yeah. It doesn't help."


I mean, I dunno. I don't wanna be paranoid but I don't want my intestines to just burst out of the blue and I'm dying from it.


It's just not a nice way to die.



Anyway.

Look what my sis got me lol.

There's a reason for the tears. lol.

She gave me a Himalaya Herbals Kajal Liner and a Stila Lip Glaze in Logan Berry.

I haven't tried the lip glaze yet~

I swatched my sister's Kajal liner and I wasn't...very impressed.

But we'll see.

Anyway...this is what surprised me.

A Boyfriend Pillow.

Do I just look that sad?

Ah well.

Thanks though lol.

It's not as comfy as the real deal but whatevs~

Haha.

'til then take care :)

I will try and see a doctor soon I guess.

-Nisah-

Giving Oreo Away...

...was the worst feeling/decision ever.

I can't lie.
Couldn't sleep the whole night and I kept crying every time I tried to sleep.


I guess it was the stress of it all.
Giving two kittens away, then one of them coming back accidentally caused one of the worst things ever: Shyla being shunned by her four remaining kittens.

They hissed, they jumped everywhere, I screamed. It was painful to watch.
Seeing Socks, the small kitten actually JUMP OFF the roof out of fear and shock was just too much for me.

What turned out to be a day where Oreo was supposed to be given away turned into one of the worst days ever.

I had to keep Shyla in the house somehow, it was hard. She didn't want to sleep in my room, she didn't want to sleep outside at the hall.

I was awake all night, trying not to let her cry too much.

The person who was supposed to pick up Oreo on that dreadful night couldn't make it.
I actually forgot that I asked if she could pick him up the next day.

Difficult, it was, because I already took Oreo away from the cage he shared with Fini and Megan, to bathe him.
Trying to reintroduce him was hard.

But thankfully it was fine.

I was busy the next day. Family function and trying to reunite Shyla and the kittens.



When she suddenly texted that she was gonna come by that night, I felt surprised and quite sad.

Originally, after playing with Oreo and letting him roam around, I was going to text her to cancel the whole adoption (if you're reading this somehow, I really was) because I thought she was going to pick him up next Saturday.

When she said that she was gonna pick him up, I was a bit devastated.
It was hard to say no when she's already on the way to pick him up from a far place.


I was tired, Oreo was everywhere, on me, on my dad, my mom...it seemed like he knew.
Already so emotionally stressed, I just played with him, humoured him as much as possible.


But toward the end, when Shyla's already reunited with the kittens, Oreo started being evasive, hiding under the couch. My dad said that he probably have sensed that he was gonna be given away.


He was really struggling when we finally managed to catch him. He was really running away.

When I gave him away, I was really reluctant.

Deep down, I knew, if I said, "No, you can't have him."
Then I'll be breaking my promise.


But it was heartbreaking seeing him ram the carrier they brought to place him in.
He was really, really trying to get away, with his sad 'meows' I've heard other cats cry out when they're adopted.


I really wanted to cry but I didn't let myself.

My dad was all like, "Why did you give him away? He was perfectly fine with the rest of the cats."
Mom was acting like that too.

It was just too much for me.
I started crying when I was praying that night.

I wanted him to have a better place to stay, where he can play around better.
My family is not keen on having the cats roam around despite being housecats, which I think was unfair.

It was giving me too much stress.
I get easily depressed but this, this burden they let me carry on my own.


I've put Oreo up for adoption for a long time and no one wanted him.
When I felt that it was maybe a sign for him to be adopted, I quickly offered him, without even thinking.


I'm an emotional wreck, mentally and physically exhausted too.
Wtf did I do?


I'm just crying right now.


Not being able to sleep, every time I tried to sleep, I see Oreo and Fini in the hammock, snuggled together and I fucking broke them apart.

Fini might be pregnant and I took away the father of the kittens.

WTF DID I DO.


I couldn't sleep a wink, I know I should but I can't.

I started getting early signs of depression again.
Like, one of the worst kinds, like the one I had dealing with my ex.


I am just very, very sad.


I asked my dad as I fed the cats, "Can I ask for Oreo back?"

He said no, as it's very rude to do so after they came for him from a far place.



I wasn't emotionally ready when I received the text.
I was ready to say goodbye to him the other day, not yesterday.


I could have said "No." but the me who tries to honour my promises can't do that.


But I really want to ask for Oreo back.

But is that a wise decision when I'm in this emotional wreck state?



I guess everything is meant to happen for some other reason.


Having one of our 'babies' taken away, God has (hopefully) given us another.
This time, a baby that we have all been waiting for.


When I was writing this, my sister knocked on my door and told me to check my phone.
"Our sister's pregnant."


She has been waiting for this baby for a long time.
She was against me giving away Oreo but I told her, "Maybe it's for the best."



I don't know what to think.


I'm a mix of emotions.
I'm sad, happy...bittersweet.



Giving away a cat and God gives us a baby? (Actually, three cats if you count the two kittens)
Please, please, I pray for a safe pregnancy.

She has been waiting for this baby for a long time.


It's still early but please, let this be realised.


Amin.
Alhamdulillah.


I just don't wanna be depressed anymore.



It's a vicious cycle.





And I'm tired of it.

Really tired of it.


-Nisah-

Brownies...? (Couldn't think of a title, really)

I've been having migraines these past few days...and today, I had some bad chest pains. Again.

I usually have chest pains when I'm distressed or when I just woke up from a bad dream (usually when I see my ex in the dream), so yeah, this caught me off guard.

I had nausea, that tightening of the chest and these...constant needle-like pains in the middle. It felt like bone hitting one another, amplifying the pain. I didn't know what caused it, but it made my right hand kind of itch, from under the skin.

At the same time, I was torn between wanting to sleep, and at the same time, feeling like wanting to call the ambulance.

As I'm writing this, the pain has subsided but I still feel it, quite faintly.
Since my parents are away, I tried not to think about it.

I backtracked to what I ate and stuff.
Did I cause an artery blockage or something? lol.


Not exercising at all will definitely take a toll on my health, I know that.
Sometimes I wonder if I'd just drop dead from not taking care of my health.

I'm not morbidly obese, yeah, but my family has a history of diabetes. My grandfather passed away from it, and my dad has it too.

I could easily get it. I LOVE sweets, I can't say no.


To add insult to injury, I just baked brownies yesterday:

Look at that goodness.
Although to be fair, I didn't like it as much lol.

I dunno. I can't really place what could have caused it.

It's not stressed, I wasn't stressed.

I didn't find anything that'd affect me that way.

It just happened.

...just happened.

I've stopped taking my anti-depressants for months already. I'm not taking any other medication (although I do think I might need to start on my stomach ones again) so I'm not sure really.

Could it be diet and lack of exercise?

It could be.

Either way, my friend wants me to consult a cardiovascular thingy since I always have chest pains.

I really don't wanna go see doctors again.

But who knows.

I should sleep. It's already 3.27AM.

Take care then.

-Nisah-

So Many Ideas...

...but no one to help realise them.

Mostly it's to do with music.
I have so many draft vocal tunes, lyrics and ideas for the music...

I just don't have the resources to help make them come true.
Actually, I do. But only for a certain genre of music.

I want something for everything. In fact, if anything, I WANT to be the one who makes the music. I think I can do it, but maybe I'm just talentless in that area.

Composing, I mean.

Believe it or not, I have problems with rhythms. I can't really dance, btw. I think that's why, too.

Last year, a stroke of genius time came for me, around August.
Then it all stopped.

Plus, when I turned to use my Macbook, I don't get to use my FL Studio very much.

It's funny, because technically, I have everything to make something simple. My midi cable's here, pop filter's here, I have an electric and acoustic guitar and a freakin' keyboard.

I never believed in the "Buy all the instruments, can get all the nice things" thing. What's the point of buying this and that if you don't learn how to use it right?

Heck, I'm trying my best to play acoustic guitar.
I even cried.

Because even when I'm alone, I'm embarrassed at how awful I am at it.
Same goes with keyboard, and don't get me started on the electric guitar.


I feel ashamed that I can't play them.


My doctor asked me: Why do you have such a high expectation of yourself?

WELL I DON'T KNOW!

Because I grew up never having to work hard in studies?
That I thought my voice was given by God? Well, to a degree.

That my skills in writing or drawing...or what used to be them, was just there, an innate ability.


All that was left for me to do was enhance them. Practice this, practice that.


But with guitars and keyboards, I guess...I expected it to be innate too.
Lazy me, I think I want to believe that.

I SO want to believe that.


Sometimes I feel like I'm just sitting in a dark room, surrounded with these instruments, my books, my art supplies and my laptop....and I'm just sitting, in a fetal position, staring into the dark.


...and as time goes by, these things move away more from me.


I could only stare at them as they go.


They left me all alone.





It's pathetic of me to rely only on things I'm born with.
But I believe in that thing where I shouldn't venture onto things I'm sure I have no talent in.


I'm not deaf.
I know when I sound good, or when I sound horrible.


I trained my ears for that.

When I play the instruments, it's like...just horrible things.

My sister had to endure my guitar practices and boy, does she endure them.



It's funny how I just said I relied on things I'm born with when I actually trained my ears.
But then again, I trained them on my own.

I need vocal training, heck yes, I do.

In fact I think I kinda effed up my vocals due to singing when I'm sick.
It happens.


Maybe I'd need vocal rehabilitation eventually.


And maybe I should take up some guitar classes and shit.


Because the only thing I know I'll never give up on is my childhood dream to sing.

Even when everything is as dark as well, dark things.


Like right now. When everything seems dead.


I realised that I can make it better by singing. No matter how broken, how pathetic I sound.
As long as I can sing, as long as I think people want me to sing.


I'll sing.



Or not.

It depends.
Haha.


Bleh.


Well, this song cheered me up:

( 'w' ) it really did.

Take care everyone!
I've been forgetting a lot of things.

-Nisah-

P.S: I really wanna be a guy, y'know.

I didn't really contour my nose for this pic >_>;

That day will come.

As An Aspiring Singer-Songwriter...

My fingers hurt from trying to learn the guitar ( ~_~ )
So I'm typing a bit slower than usual. Fun.

Anyway...

I recently got a new acoustic guitar as a birthday present from my dad.
And it's pink, of course.

It goes so well with my room :3
Although that doesn't matter much!

You see, I already have Charlotte, which is my electric guitar.
However, I can't bring myself to use her because she's so heavy.

The reason why I didn't get an acoustic in the first place is because I have a very weak left hand. With an electric, I need less pressure on the strings. In the end though, I can't bring myself to practice on Charlotte.

So yeah, I've been wanting an acoustic for a while, especially since I'm writing more acoustic sounding songs. Plus my composer doesn't wanna compose the lazy sounding songs I make lol.

I usually make jazzy, slow, acoustic-y vocal tunes.
Most of the time I do make J-Pop or J-Rock sounding tunes too. That one, my composer has no problems working with.

My first single has been delayed quite a while, considering it's been made/planned since last year's September. Right now, listening to it, it has me thinking if it's even single material. I mean, would people actually listen to it on the radio, let alone on its own, on Youtube, Soundcloud or something.

I mean, does it stand on its own?

Last year, I thought so, but this year, I'm having doubts.

Not in the quality of the song. No.

It's just that...will Brunei even play it on the radio if I sent it in?
Would they support me as a local independent singer who sings in Japanese or English?


I sound horrible in Malay okay?
I don't loathe Malay, no.

Personally, when you sing or write in Japanese, you can explore more things than simple love songs, or songs to praise God, or friendship songs, etc.

I can write about the colour of my panties, or whatnot, and it can still be artistic.

OF COURSE,  I won't write about that hahaha :P

There's just so much you can do with the language, with the syllables, with everything.

This is the reason why I sing in Japanese.

My Japanese isn't perfect, no, I'm not saying it is.
But there's just so much more I can give in Japanese.

Heck, I've been writing more songs in English of late.
Even my producer/composer/friend says when I write in Japanese I sound more mature.


There's just a sophistication in the language that somehow, I can't really write in either English or Malay.


But writing in English is fun, especially when you set no boundaries.

I've longed to sing on the stage again, but I've had to decline or back out from the stage this year, because I just don't have that confidence anymore. Or that my throat just dies on me.

Back in Japan, back in 2008, I enjoyed singing on the stage. I was singing Japanese, to a Japanese crowd.

And they liked me. Or maybe they just wanted to make sure I don't feel alienated...


I relied on the power of basic Japanese and memorisation.
I don't want to rely on that anymore.

Or rather, I can't.

Not with my condition.
I can barely remember my own lyrics.


I can't remember anything anymore.
I can't memorise anymore.



What's a singer who can't even remember lyrics?

That fear steals away my voice, and I give up.


I know I can do better.
I know I can do what I wanted to do.

I want to grab the listener's heart and squeeze all their emotions out.

That's what I want to do with my voice, with my songs, with my lyrics.


But can I even do that with my condition now?


When I can't even remember anything.


My brain has stopped keeping track of things.


What am I writing now?

Back in Brunei, I stopped trying.

I tried, but I realised that my voice is nothing compared to all the stronger voices in the music scene.

I have a weak voice, I don't rely on strong, punchy vocals.
My voice is soft, weak, fragile but I'd like to say it's versatile.

I don't take vocal lessons and I know I need to.

Brunei only wants Mariah Carey-like singers, or Celine Dion, or Adele...

...never the weak, fragile voice.



I dunno.
Maybe, maybe not.

We'll see when EXIST comes out.

How will they react to it?

It's such an important song.


I'm also going to write an English version of EXIST.
Just in case they don't wanna play Japanese songs.


My dream is big.
I wanna be a singer in Japan.

I know it's gonna be hard.


It will be hard.


But even as an indie, I still want to be able to sing.
I want to sing, I want to help people.


It doesn't have to be locally.

I want it to be globally.

Big dreams? Can't I have it?
I've had this dream ever since I was younger, ever since I learned that I could sing.


If global means Youtube or via sharing, I don't mind.

There are people who have said they will support me no matter what.
No, they're not Bruneians, they're from all over the world.

That's enough initiative for me to believe I can do it.


I CAN do it.


I know I can.

I need to believe that I can.

-Nisah-

Profit VS Scamming (Brunei Edition)

Disclaimer: THIS POST IS BY NO MEANS TRYING TO PUT PEOPLE OUT OF BUSINESS, BUT READ IT WITH AN OPEN MIND.

Okay, after I post this, I will move on to happier things, okay?

This is what I experienced and saw today at Airport Mall, Brunei.

----

We were on the way back to our car, so we passed through Airport Mall, and there were stalls around. I didn't even look around because it was late.

But then my brother got stopped by one of the stall shopkeepers.

So they started talking, and me and his girlfriend saw some makeup being sold.
I didn't care for it, as I just bought something from Etude House.

Until I saw that my brother's girlfriend gushing about how pretty this palette was....

...can you guess what it was?


It was the sought after Urban Decay Naked 2 Palette.

Urban Decay's Naked 2 Palette (Image from Jess Beez Adventures ) 

Actually, it's the "Naked 2 Palette".

It was the fake one, the Grade A replica ones China makes.

Replicated "Naked 2 Palette" (Image taken from Makeuptalk ) 

You see, I'm familiar with things like these because I myself have contemplated buying them myself, online, through the proper shops. They sell these at USD15-19 per piece, and then shipping. If you buy in bulk however, you'd get it cheaper.

Converted, that should be BND19 right? Roughly. Plus maybe USD2 shipping, which makes it BND21. However, if you bought it in bulk, 12+, you can get one palette at BND13 (plus the shipping, which I guess it around BND40 depending on weight).

After some calculating, one price of the palette would be roughly BND16.

But they were selling it at BND85, because my brother's GF asked how much they were, while admiring it.

Yes, you read that right.

BND85.

So, how much profit are they making?

They are making BND69 out of one palette.


So, what do you think that's considered as?
Is it genuine "profit" or a scam?


Plus, after I outed them by saying "Well, that's fake, I know."

The seller said, "No, they're real, my friend bought it from the US."


Okay, that's one thing to sell it at BND85, but to insist that it's real?
Sorry, I can't tolerate that.


Not only are you making a HUGE profit from it, you're also LYING to potential customers.
Why can't you just say, "Oh, they're Grade A replicas from China."

And sell them maybe at a reasonable BND35 at least?

Might I add that China made the full replica now too, which comes with the lipgloss.

New Packaging of the Replica (Image taken from My Beauty Vanity ) 

You can also view the new fake Naked 2 Palette from this blog: Amna's Post

I also saw some of the replicas actually looking like this, but the palette is boxed like in the photo above.

So yeah, I have to back up Urban Decay telling me this when I asked them about this UD Palette I bought from eBay:

"Thank you for your email. We do not have any authorized resellers on Ebay. The only authorized resellers of Urban Decay are Sephora, Ulta, and Macy's as well as some international websites like beautybay.com. We do not have any individual authorized resellers. It is against our company policy."

Although after much soul searching, my palette (which I will write about in another entry), is possibly real, or a bloody good replica. LOL. Either way, I got it cheaply. And that's with shipping by the way~

Not expensively like BND85!!

So yeah, Brunei, is this even legal in our country?
Imagine all the unsuspecting people buying this palette.

BND85 isn't cheap you know.

Not only that, the ingredients in a fake palette can be full of dangerous ingredients and we wouldn't know!

But I did mention before that I considered buying them. Why would I not mind? Because I do have some palettes made in China.


My brother told me to let it be, it's some people's way of "making money to earn a living"

Yes. That's true.

But two things I can't forgive:

1) Insisting that the product is REAL and AUTHENTIC.
2) The pricing. Heck, even the original one is about BND70-75!

Not only that, they were also selling one of my favourite brands, theBalm. The fake one too of course. For that one, I didn't ask.


I'm just bringing this up.

How much of this is legal?
Can we protect consumers like this?

There's nothing wrong with admitting that they are replicas, and making just a bit of profit from it. Maybe double it. But that's about it.

I know you're a small business.


But I am also not a blind consumer.

Okay?


Sorry if I offended the seller should they be reading.

I am only saying it can be dangerous and very wrong.

Take care!

-Nisah-

Fuck March

Disregard yesterday's blogpost because to be honest, it doesn't matter anymore.

No celebrating my birthday in the city I was born in.

No more Japanese Fair for me to volunteer in.

I've lost credibility in professionalism, and I'm no longer in the good graces with the people I was looking forward to work with.

No Sephora.

No cake.

No visiting the hospital I was born in.


I'm forever bound to what my parents decide.



They changed the date to 21st-24th.

I was supposed to be volunteering for the Japanese fair 22nd-24th.

Yes, I understand that there's nothing I can do.

It's RBA's fault for changing the fare.


But it hurts me when they said "Screw the Japanese Fair, family trips are more important."

Since when are trips more important than "work" and getting involved with something you actually enjoy and want to be part of?


I said not to go on the 18th-21st because after they changed the fare, the tickets are now $100 more expensive than the planned one.


I actually thought of my parents spending extra money unnecessarily.


Sure, they thought of me when they wanted to keep that date.

However, spending extra money when it's not needed always upsets me.


I told them I didn't have to go.

I'd rather stay, even though I know, I can't go to the Japanese Fair either since they'd be away.


But I'd rather not go to both than break my obligations to the embassy to enjoy myself on a trip that I didn't plan.


The trip was planned after I signed up to volunteer you see.


So for them to easily disregard it is just sad.



I didn't want a big celebration.
In fact, I don't even want to celebrate it, should it be in Brunei.


Plus, if I don't go, it'd make my sister happier.


Because I wasn't even considered for the trip in the first place.

They only brought me because it was my birthday week.



That's the real reason why I'm upset.


Because they forgot my birthday.


They tried to make it up to me by bringing me to the trip.


And now they changed it all without a single sorry.




I don't know how to get through to them.


I promised my psychiatrist I wouldn't think of suicide or attempt it until I see him next.

But with a family like this, it's a bit hard.

Last Resort

I spent 5 hours or so at the hospital today. I've been experiencing these weird breathlessness, numbness and near collapse for 8 days, enough was enough. I needed to get checked.

The thing about me and pain is that, I get pretty restless and easily get angry. When the fuse short-circuits, my mouth stops thinking and starts spouting hurtful things which I may or may not mean. Think of it as like when you get drunk (which I don't) and you start just saying things, or doing things you don't necessarily mean.

Anyway, fuse broke, all hell broke loose too.

I don't actually know what or where these hateful things come from but maybe my body realizes I've done my part in patience. 8 days of pain is quite patient.

So yeah, when we reached the hospital, I realized that my body was starting to get paralyzed. I had to take a seat, slowly realizing that I was losing feeling in parts of my body. I tried to breathe as steadily as possible but heck, it was hard.

It starts from the chest, slowly and slowly moving toward the rest of my body. My bro got me a wheelchair but that didn't help. My mom and brother were still pissed off at the hurtful things I said so like, they didn't even bother to tell the nurse or doctor in charge that I was having difficulty in breathing.

My mouth was also becoming numb but thank goodness I could still talk. I could barely move my hands, but I had to force myself to. Because my mom was ignoring me, so I tried to call my dad or some friends.

Basically nobody paid heed that I wasn't able to breathe or move my limbs well.

I was crying too.

As it got worser, I just fucking cried.

Nobody was giving me oxygen.

I even had to call my mom through my phone >_>
That was how desperate I was.

I was beyond pissed at that time.


By the time it reached my turn, I was already close to paralysis. Okay, maybe that's too much, maybe very strong numbness. I couldn't even move my hands. There was barely any oxygen in my limbs I think.

My mom had to manually help me grip my hands.

Ugh.

Even thinking about it is horrible.



Well after the blood pressure, temperature check and whatnot. I heard the nurse say, "Go to the Emergency"

By that time, my eyes were closed like hell.
From tears and from the strong headache I was experiencing.

Hell, even when I'm typing this, my head hurts >_>

So yeah, I don't remember much really, but to sum it up, I was ECG-ed, got blood drawn, TWICE. Once for normal blood, the other was on the vein on the wrist? Is that what it's called? You know, when you cut your wrist and you die? Yeah, there.

THAT was painful. Still is. I'm like, 'ow, ow, ow'-ing as I type.

Twice, on one arm. Once on top, once on the wrist. OW.

The vein was a first. I was so close to hitting someone as they took the sample.

Sigh.

And then lastly was the X-Ray.

After all that painful, bothersome thing...

The doctor came with the news:

"All is normal"

What.

What.

What.

Actually, it was my mom who told me the news.

I just broke down.

That time, I was really like, defeated?

I guess that's how I felt. DEFEATED.

I turned to my mom: "Mom, if it's like this, if they can't find anything, what's causing it then? Is my body just making it up? What's wrong with me? WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME???"

"We've already tried religious healing, doctors, medicine....what more can we do?"

My hands were so pale and my nails were blue.

Even the nurse had to ask me if I was wearing nailpolish or what.

I was so delirious, I had to check my nails if I was wearing nailpolish.

I wasn't.

I've always had bluish nails, you see. It's always so blue that I'm still on the lookout for a nail spa or something that'll whiten it.

Unfortunately, it's the nature of my nails.

I actually begged my mom to kill me.

Then apparently I started spouting nonsense again.

I was so shook up, I think my blood pressure went up.

The doctor asked me if I wanted to stay for a night, or go home.

Considering that there was nothing wrong, I decided to leave.

I thought there's only one last resort that I haven't tried:

Snake Blood.

Or any traditional medication.

Chinese, Hindu, Japanese, Thai, etc.

ANYTHING traditional.

Acupuncture, bekam, oil on the forehead, etc.

Anything really.

Even the nurse said it won't hurt to try.

Apparently my hands are very cold.

Which is funny because first time my ex held my hand, his comment was: Your hands are so warm.

Which I find very funny.

Because I know I have cold hands.

I've always had it.

So yeah.

I might add to this later.

But that's it.

I'm done with modern medicine.

But still, the on-call doctor and nurse were very nice ):

Very, very nice.

Maybe I should have stayed there but eh.

I should sleep. My head hurts.

Take care I guess.

Good night.

-Nisah-

Yes, I Did Overdose.

*If you don't like morbid posts, skip this*

After months, more than a year since my last overdose, I overdosed again last Saturday, it was the  8th of February. It is now the 21st of February. How many days has it been?

2 weeks.

14 days.

Many hours, minutes, seconds have passed.

Did I get rushed to the ER like last time?
No. I did not.

Because on that day, I really wanted to die.

I took 10 tablets of 100mg of my medication. Took them, and cried. Again, I took 1000mg of my anti-depressants. Last time I consumed 20 tablets.

After it settled in my stomach, I just stared the palm I used to try kill myself.
And slowly, it dawned to me that I did it again.


I did it around 5pm that day, or earlier, because after that I took a long shower and washed away all my tears. Pretending as if everything was okay, I went ahead and fed my cats. After that was done, I went to my room, turned off the lights, wrote a note and dozed off to sleep.

I think I was really mean that day.

I said goodbye to some of my friends while keeping my family out of the loop.


For the first time I really thought I was gonna die.

I got knocked out after a few minutes.


I thought that after I have fallen asleep, I won't wake up anymore.

Honestly, I procrastinated from doing it for 2 days.

But for a reason, on that day, I didn't care anymore.


I really thought I was gonna die.


But alas, Death decided to punish me instead.


I remember my mom coming to my room while I was half-asleep, she didn't suspect anything. I remember that there was a family event that night. A birthday.

I, of course, did not go.

Telling her that I was dizzy, I just stayed in bed.


I forgot what really happened, but in the end, my friend told me to tell my mom.

She came to my room, after I called her, and pointed to the tablets on my table. I refused to say anything.

And she just asked me "Why?"

"If you really want to die I won't stop you. But I'm praying that you live."


Well, darn it. I did.


Around 4-5am, I kind of heard someone come into my room. It was my mom (I asked her in the morning), checking up on me to see if I died.


Well, screw it.

I fucking failed.



I felt kind of disappointed that I didn't die. Apparently, it's not my time yet.



I didn't go see a doctor. I refused to.

I thought I was fine, that I'll just let the medicine just leave my body in a few days.

But now, it's obvious that something is not right.


For a week, I've been experiencing very bad headaches, erratic heartbeat that leads to difficulty in breathing, even right now, as I'm typing, it is with great difficulty.

The weirdest thing I noticed is that it starts around the same time, every single day.

Around 4-5pm, I'll start getting dizzy spells that put pressure on my head, oxygen would get knocked out of my system for a few seconds, I feel suffocated.

Even now.

And something's wrong with my throat too.

I get hot and cold spells. At first I thought that it was normal.
But it's lasting a while.


On the day I took Shyla to the vet, I collapsed right in front of the vet.

Everything around me was spinning and I dropped down on the road next to the car.
I felt as if something heavy was dropped on me.


Something took my breath away.


For that moment I thought I was gonna die.


Mom then decided that after taking Shyla to the vet, I should get a check-up too.

There were a lot of patients that day.

When it came to my turn, it was the doctor I'm used to seeing. I broke down and told her the truth. She knows that I've been struggling with stress, depression and even stomach problems.

I really did not want to see her.

Because I knew that no medicine would work.

She gave me some meds to fight the nausea and dizziness but none of them worked.



I actually feel like throwing up right now.


I'm so dizzy and I can barely breathe.


I doubt doctors would want to help me now since it was my own choice to destroy my body.

I don't know what actually happened to my stomach, but it hurts more than usual.

I lost 2kg in a week (gaining it back though but I'm frequently throwing up still)


.....really, I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

Should I just let it be?

Isn't that the same like suicide?



I can't think straight, you see.


My mood swings are even worst now.


Some days I can barely wake up.


Waking up, I feel like it's another death sentence.

Around 5pm, I'll get the same symptoms.

Until I fall asleep, it'll stay.


Nothing can make it go away.

Nothing can.


I'm getting sick of being sick.


I really want to throw up right now.




So dizzy.





Even if I didn't die, I'm dead inside. Dying inside literally too.

I feel as if my stomach is breaking down.

I don't know.


My brain, too.

I know.


The chemicals aren't stable now, are they?



What's gonna happen to me?

I don't know.



I just can't breathe right now.

Plus my hair is falling in large clumps now.


-Nisah-

February. Mostly a rant.

( '_____' )

Hey.
It's February.

Anything significant? Not much. Well, not really I guess.
If you guys paid attention, all winners have responded to me.

I will mail the prizes as soon as I can. God, I hope they have no restrictions to what countries I'm sending them to. And I hope it's not too expensive, if not, I'll have to limit my giveaways a bit ><;

I love holding them, I really do.
Well, sorting out the entries wasn't my favourite part I guess.

Not everyone's I guess. Haha.

That was dry.


I am in no mood to blog, but I just wanna...uh, "welcome" the new month?

I don't like February...it brings a lot of memories.
Good ones, actually, but I shouldn't view them that way.

So....well, university workload is finally piling up D:

I hate reading now. It's so funny. I used to read for fun. Now it's a chore.

And my subjects mostly involve reading. HELLO. I'm a literature student. If I don't read, I don't qualify D:

I need drive and I lack that right now.
I want to be in charge of my life, sure, it's a bit hard to be in control, unless you're a born leader or a...control freak.

Or you're born confident. Me? Confident?

Heck---yes? No?

It depends.

In class, sure, I'm the one who talks a lot but I don't talk empty. And when I mean talk, I mean participate in discussions. I CAN'T BEAR HAVING A QUIET CLASS.

Well, excuse me for wanting to make things lively but hey, at least I'm not talking crap.

I actually DO ask legit questions and stuff.

Especially to things I really don't know the answer to on my own.

...and that includes 'love'.

Haha, no, no talk about those things.

What is love? Bullcrap.

Love does not exist. It blinds you.
It binds you to someone who leaves you.

That's so pessimistic of me, no?

Oh, shush, I'm so optimistic about it that I need to calm down and stop writing about it.

I've only had ONE boyfriend and ONE ex.

That's it.

That sums it up, no?

Do I want a new one?

No.

I'm happy with my cats.

Call me a cat lady but my cats sure as hell make me happy and occupy me. Sure, they can only meow and need their litter boxes cleaned daily, and they can't really feed themselves but they're cute and cuddly and warm.

A cat is a baby that never grows up.
And has fur.

And stays with baby talk forever.


I did an impromptu photoshoot yesterday.
Didn't get much photos but I did manage to snap a pic of me actually smiling.

A forced smile, can you tell?

With my crooked front tooth. Didn't bother to edit the skin. And by edit, I mean airbrush. I think my makeup or lack of proper one (sheer BB Cream coverage with concealer and powder, lack of shadows and lack of proper eyeliner), still managed to cover my flaws okay. You can see my skin isn't perfect but eh. It passes.

With makeup.

On my lips I used Etude House products, the lipliner and a lipgloss.

I spent most of my time wearing the wig and the lenses. I hate these lenses, it hurts my eye. My right one, only. It could be damaged but I dunno.

This is my February 1st look. LOL.

Would I dye my hair this colour? Maybe. One day.

It'd be too high maintenance.

I wish I had naturally grey eyes.

Ah well.

Oh, and the hand?

It was to cover this weird zit. More like a carbuncle D: NO.

UGH. I hate those things. Maybe I've been eating too many sweet things. Probably.

I only want sweet things.


Sweet things are nice.


What's in store for February?

Hell.

Or not.

We'll see.

In the meantime, I should be reading 'Sense and Sensibility' today because tomorrow, I'd be super busy.

Ah well.

Have a great February I guess :)


Take care, everyone.

-Nisah-

Wrong Timing....

Seriously, it's funny, now that university has started again, I'm more inclined to record and stuff. Like, I could be doing something more productive (for example, watch/read Breakfast At Tiffany's for my Film & Literature class) but noooo, what did I do? I decided to help someone out at university and then missed a lecture because I spent the other day being tired for staying at uni.

Most of my lecturers were gone D: what.

Anyway, so yeah, back to the wrong timing stuff....

So yeah, apparently just like last year, my troll brain decides that "Hey, it's studying time, time to go record some music and busy yourself with music!!!"

HELLLLL NO.

I should be sleeping now, but somehow I'm excited for art later.
I haven't done art in ages, I'm not even kidding.

But ughhhhh, maybe it's anxiety rather than excitement.

Yesterday I already spent time recording Lily Allen's 'Littlest Things', in a raw form. Then tonight, after my Excapade dinner, I decided to record a live version of it. Since I thought I looked decent at that time.

I was in my pajamas the other day. I mean, who wants to see that right? LOL

One was uploaded on my official page and the other, I'll link here:

I'm not gonna lie, I'm saddened my singing face barely has any decent screenshots for the thumbnail. Now I'm stuck with this >_>

Yes, my lips barely move when I sing. This is the truth.

This is what I fear when I make videos of me lip-syncing. So, recording live is always the best bet LOL.

I can't lip-sync.

That's a fact.

How am I gonna be a singer?

I dunno. LOL. You tell me.

Gonna sleep now.

Or rather, study. I dunno D: eeeeek.

Wish me luck on waking up.

Good....MORNING.

Take care.

-Nisah-

2013 is Bordering Bad Already

Not to be negative or anything as I really want this year to be a lot better but of course we can't really control life. Life is not a video game, what happens, happens. There's no save points to re-play it.

I wish we had that pause/play/stop button though, but hey, that's not life.

There's a reason why movies and dramas exist.

Anyway, it's not THAT bad so far. How many days are we into right now? Five? Coming six of course.

Let's see what happened in the first five days of 2013:

1st: My chest pains got worser. It got carried on from 2012. Only my pet cat and my nephew's smile could ease it a bit. Went to Airport Mall/Times Square since I found out that I had an appointment the next day. Shopped. Got into a fight with my mom.

2nd: Went to RIPAS Hospital only to be told that my doctor was on holiday ( =_= ). Changed to the 28th. Tried to log in to my GenNext but kept failing. Chest pain still apparent. Can't walk or breathe well. My Pshychotherapy appointment was scheduled the next day. In the morning, planned to go to the hospital again.

3rd: Went to Dr Amir. Was given meds. Pain eased just a bit. Asked for help to log in to my GenNext. Found out that my account was deemed inactive for this semester. WTF. My throat started getting worse.

4th: Shyla got sick ): I was worried sick. I was scared for her. I went to see my new pyschologist. I cried. I rambled a lot. It wasn't really a good day I guess. Went to Hua Ho Mall. I'm having bad tummy aches now.

5th: Tummy ache still. At least Shyla got slightly better. Nobody could accompany me to buy stuff for Shyla. Spent it on doing some Shyla cleaning love. Shyla threw up so I had to clean...sigh. Found out about something horrible that made me slightly upset.

6th: .....chest still hurting. Will update this later.

So, to sum it up: I've been sick quite a lot. Not fun.

Anyone wants to donate their insides to me? Please? I wanna live normally for once ):


Let's just hope this is just the beginning of something better in the end.


That's it. My stomach still hurts.

Goodnight :)

Take care everyone.

-Nisah-

A Series of Unfortunate Events (feat. Kat)

*Photos will be added later*

Okay, so like, I've been procrastinating for a few days now.
But tonight, or rather, yesterday night, I actually had something interesting to blog about. Unfortunately I didn't get to do an OOTD/N or makeup, etc. It was really last minute.

You see, my friend Kat, invited me to go see this musical thing supposedly held at JIS. She got some free tickets and I've never been to a show in a while so I wanted to go.

I was fine, UNTIL, I got a sudden fever at about 6PM on Friday.

I was like "Where the hell did this come from??"

My nose was runny, tissues were next to me, coughed, some phlegm here and there. Basically, I was just sick. So suddenly sick!

I was watching Elizabeth: The Golden Age with my sister, sniffing and sneezing.

I tried to sleep early, I had some chamomile tea. I WAS sleepy.

But then, I was so sick, it was hard to sleep. My fever was high, and my nose was killing me and then my cheeks hurt for no reason (I'm guessing from all the sneezing). I got suddenly depressed.

All I wanted was someone to talk to, but no one was available unfortunately.

I was throwing up everything I ate, it was just, bad.

But then, I've been throwing up for 2 months now. So yeah.

I ended up watching some Youtube videos.

Somehow, I did fall asleep.


I woke up to the sound of my Whatsapp. It was around 11:30am, ish.

Apparently I forgot to turn off my wi-fi.

Anyway, I immediately asked Kat if she was gonna pick me up/what was the plan.
I told her I woke up from a nightmare.

In the nightmare, I was killing people. It was kinda like Lucius (been watching the Let's Plays, I guess). It kept repeating until I killed everyone correctly, basically.

Which was weird.

I told Kat I was feverish and my chest was hurting. Basically I needed to go back to sleep.

Considering my stomach problems, I think fevers are bad. It could mean anything. Especially if it's sudden. But then, my immune system might just be very bad now. Not to mention, I've been bruising a lot for no reason.

I'm getting less fat. I'm not gonna say thinner. Just less fat. I'm planning on starting exercising again when my body can take it.

Anyway, after a discussion of things, I told her I wanted to rest so I could feel better before the actual musical.


Again, I forgot to turn off my wi-fi.

I was then awoken again by the sound of my Whatsapp.

It was Kat.

Calling out my name repeatedly.
It was around 5.30pm.

She told me to get ready.

I wasn't feeling THAT well (mostly groggy) and I had a sore throat.

I went looking for my parents to tell them I was gonna go WHEN my dad told me not to. Because I was sick.

But I wasn't feeling THAT bad.

They kept telling me not to go, just in case something bad happened to me.

In my head, all I could think of was the word: Hypocrite.


This is an event I really wanted to go to, and here they are, saying not to go because I was sick. Yes, I was sick.

But hello~ when I was having a difficult time breathing and wanted to go to the hospital, who wasn't there to send me? Yes. Them.

Hypocrite moment there.


I went against their wishes basically, silently hoping nothing bad will go wrong because, in Muslim or just Bruneian beliefs, if you disobey your parents, you get 'ketulahan', bad luck, karma etc. Basically something will go wrong.

At first I texted Kat I wasn't allowed to go. Then I said I will go anyway.

Kat was already a bit late picking me up (but I didn't mind because I was still getting ready) but yeah, she arrived around 7.25pm.

*She said I smelled yummy and that she wanted to eat me. Kat, it's Victoria's Secret "Love Spell"*

The show was supposed to start at 7.30pm.

Well, we're already late.

AND THEN.

Kat suddenly exclaimed: "SHIT!! I LEFT MY TICKETS AT HOME"


Bad Luck #1

So, we went to her house which was farrrrr from mine. We actually went to Milimewah first to get some food and drinks.

When we got to her house, she kinda dropped the tickets again lol.


Then we kinda rushed to go to JIS.

When we kinda arrived, I looked at the tickets and softly said: "Kat, it says Jerudong Amphitheatre"

There were a few street guards/patrols or whatever they're called, and we asked them about it. There WAS an event going on at JIS BUT it wasn't the performance.

Kat then asked her cousin about it and she confirmed it was at the Amphitheatre.


Bad Luck #2

Wrong place.
So, we rushed to Jerudong Park area. Not even knowing where the Amphitheatre was. We were like, an HOUR late.

We asked her cousin if her nieces already performed.

And yes, they did.

So we missed one performance from them (and a hell lot more in an hour, if you imagine)

So when we did go to the Amphitheatre, we were looking for parking. There was a slight drizzle.
We went to the wrong parking lot (dunno how to explain this part) but in the end, we kinda did park.

So yeah, we then rushed, Kat brought an umbrella which she said: "Just in case it rains heavily"


As we scurried to the place, we kinda went to the performance area LOL. So we kinda went around the toilet area where people were smoking. I hate smokers. My dad USED to smoke.

So inconsiderate. It was a family event with kids. C'mon, can you not smoke just for a few hours??

So yeah, we kept looking for seats. Kat said "Wow, they didn't even check our tickets, if I knew, I would have invited more friends". There were a lot of empty seats.

We kept migrating here and there to find the perfect seat.


When we did find the perfect seating place, Kat whispered that there was a cute White guy (Ang Moh (sp?)) she calls them. I didn't really see his face so I don't know lol.

So we sat back and watched the show.

There were really cute kids in the performance. We gushed from the cuteness.

Just a while after that, they had an intermission.
During the intermission, Kat wanted to go to the washroom while I wanted to see if they had food around.

I hadn't eaten anything, you see.

We went to a food stand.

And damn.

Bad Luck #3

Expensive food.

BND$1 for a stick of sausage? I immediately said "NO THANK YOU"

They also had three pieces of chicken wings for...something. I dunno but I wasn't interested. I wanted a burger and couldn't see one.

So, we decided to go to the washroom instead. We had some snacks (I got chocolate anyway).

At the washroom, after we did our business, Kat said something along the lines of how she was "fluffy" (don't like the word fat here lol), and there was this random White lady who just said "No, you're not fluffy!", and I just laughed "Just not toned!"

And then she said "At least you don't have cellulite!"

To which I replied, "But I do~"

Unfortunately.


But that was interesting.

So yeah, after the intermission, Kat mentioned how there are two free seats close to her cousin's area, which was closer to the stage.

So we went there.


They had these dances, all kinds, ballet, hip-hop, tap, etc. You name it, they performed it!

THEN the cutest little boys came out. They were wearing something so cute and nerdy and were performing hip-hop if I'm not mistaken.

It was sooooo cute.

Me and Kat both claimed a little Chinese boy with glasses as ours lol.

Then more cuteness ensues and some other stuff.


Halfway, Kat realized we were sitting at the seats reserved for parents (which I realized earlier on, just didn't mention) and then we kinda just went along with it.

I had a kind of longing for a child then.



....let's get back on track.


So yeah, after a while, more songs from Musicals that I know were playing. Which was kind of exciting. I never knew my knowledge on Musicals were that big. Well, not big but I didn't know I was kinda knowledgeable about it.

I didn't expect a dance performance. I expected a real musical actually. But maybe that happened and I just missed it.


As the show progressed, it started raining heavily. With thunder and lightning. I kinda prayed it would go away when the show ends.

But unfortunately, it didn't.


So by the end of the performance, we decided to go earlier. I think it was around 10.30pm by then.

As we went under the rain, one thing immediately came to mind.

My flats.

My favourite flats.

They were gonna die.



I kinda told Kat that. I decided to wear flats because heels would just slow me down but damn, it was raining heavily!!

When we reached the car area, we realized that it flooded.

Well, kinda.

I already said my peace to my shoes and just hurried on. Water was entering my poor flats, my feet got wet, it was getting wetter as we proceeded.


And then...

Bad Luck #4

Water. WATER EVERYWHERE.


When we got to the place we parked at, we realized that the road was so uneven, my legs got soaked. It was a puddle that reached about 20-30cm? Basically it also soaked my jeans.


My flats were already dead.


So yeah, we were on our way home. Chatted and stuff.

By the time we reached my house, I found out another thing as I turned to pay Kat for the food.



CHOCOLATES.

CHOCOLATES EVERYWHERE IN MY BAG.

CHOCOLATE MASSACRE.


Bad Luck #5

I was devastated.

It stained the bag, my wallet...and later I found out, also my lip butter.


Came home, to my parents' worried faces.

Found out there was no food waiting for me.

Bad Luck #6


So yeah, sigh.

It was an adventure really.



I tried my best to clean my bag, clean my room, chatted with a few friends and here I am, still awake at 3.51am.

With a stomach ache and I might throw up.


But yeah, so, what did this outing tell me?

Is the so-called 'ketulahan' real?


Guesso.

What do you think?



Had fun though :) really like my "dates" with Kat.

So adventure-ific.

So I'll end this here and maybe I'll add some photos and videos later.


Goodnight (I guess)

Take care :D


-Nisah-

Unnecessary Drama (Haul)

Tonight I had the opportunity to go to The Mall after a long time of not going. My family aren't really fans of the place so yeah. Initially, I wanted to top-up my cash card so I could buy something from sasa.com BUT I decided not to (it was too late anyway, and I might end up having to get things I don't need +hypocrite moment here+) and the money went elsewhere.

It was raining heavily by the way, and the traffic. Gosh. Luckily dad didn't go all complaining and stuff. I sat at the backseat of the back. lol. I didn't have time to doll-up much, just simple makeup. Got to use my new makeup though :D so win~

We went to Hot Point first. I think it was the first time for my bro-in-law to go there. I might be wrong. I have bittersweet feelings about the place, but hey, the food is good so memories don't matter I guess. It was dad's treat!

This is what I had:

Pina Colada Smoothie

This was really good! I definitely recommend this BUT what's up with the absence of a real pineapple? Boring!! And my sis took the cherry because last time I took hers at Swensen's!

Grilled Teriyaki Chicken with Mushroom Sauce

My new favourite :D It's really good!! The caramelised onions, YUM. It's like having two sauces so yeah!

Photowonder-ed the photos because the place was dark! And my front camera sucks D:

Tried to show off my new contacts here.

I hate how the face looks shopped when it's not  LOL

With annoying sis.

What I'm wearing (that you unfortunately can't see):
Revlon Lip Butter in Tutti Frutti, theBalm Batter Up Creaseless Cream Eyeshadow in 'Base Hit Kit', theBalm ShadyLady in 'Mischievous Marissa', SkinFood Peach Sake BB Cream, TheFaceShop Perfect  Stick Concealer #2 and theBalm Sexy Mama Translucent Powder.

The translucent powder was a bit tricky to use. If anyone knows how to use it properly, do tell me. I don't this my brush picks up anything o.o or maybe it did. I don't know!!

After a nice dinner, I went hunting for Marina's 'Electra Heart' album again.
No such luck :(

I might have to order it online.

Honestly, I only went to Paloma to check if they had e.l.f's Mineral Lipstick in stock but they didn't. Might have been expensive anyway lol. I tried my sister's 'Fiery Fushia' and I liked the formula so yeah.

Instead...I saw that essence had a promotion. Or rather, I was just checking and then asked, THEN I found out about the promotion lol.

So yeah, I decided to take advantage of the promotion. It was buy essence cosmetics worth BND30 and you can get a free small brush set. To be honest, the brush set is no big deal but it's tiny enough to bring around :)

essence haul~

I looked up online to see how much the price is marked up here. Some are reasonably priced, some are well, meh. Especially the cream shadows.

I would have gotten more but I decided to limit myself to what....is limited. I do...plan on getting a bronzer in the future. Future might be soon though lol.

Anyway, here's the breakdown:

This is in 'Coppy Right'

This is in 'It's Magic'

If these don't crease on me when I wear it alone like theBalm, it's like ooh-la-la for me. But I think it will, we'll see :) It's Magic seems like a nice dupe for 'Base Hit Kit'. At first glance.

Do I really need another concealer? Not really. However, this is more compact than my 20 colour concealer :) so if it works just the same, what's there to lose? 

An eyeshadow base. 

4ml? Really? It looks like it carries more product than my 5ml e.l.f eyeshadow primer though.

Again, do I need another eyeshadow base? Not really.

But again, can't hurt to try! But I won't be using this anytime soon.

Super creamy eyeliners!

These glide on oh-so-smoothly for the price. I don't think it's smudge-proof BUT I think it might be great for tightlining the lower an upper lashlines.

And this is where the drama was caused.

Apparently, the saleslady forgot to put in the white eyeliner. I only checked when I was in the car because everyone said they wanted to go home soon. I also didn't think of checking at first because I didn't want to waste time either.

It was while in the car (while at the parking lot, thank goodness) that I noticed I'm missing one item. I told my family. I re-checked it to be sure.

That's when they all started blaming me.

Like...

"Why didn't you check earlier? You're so clumsy! This is such a waste of time, etc."

When my dad asked me to check again, I actually shouted at him that I did.

The bad thing is, also, I was at the back, back seat. So I asked my sisters if they'd go fetch it.

But nooooo, they're like "They won't believe us, they'd only recognize you, blablabla."

WELL, HELLOOOOOO.

That's what receipts are for!! D:

I worked in a shop once, receipts are there for a reason. Receipt copies are there for a reason.

I was wearing my wedges too so moving fast is a bit hard.

I actually screamed at my mom when she told me to bring the whole plastic bag. That caused my lipstick to drop onto the road.

Thankfully, it didn't break.

So yeah, I rushed upstairs, pretty sure everyone was side-stepping me because I looked furious and well, unfriendly.

I have anger issues. Definitely.

I think I should take a management class?

Should ask my psychiatrist about that.

Did I act unreasonably? Yes.

But they also PROVOKED me. My sisters especially.

Was it my fault? No. It was the saleslady.

They all apologized. So that's okay.

If they had my number I guess probably, they would have texted.

So yeah, I'm gonna apply for a membership next time. I guess.

I dunno.

It wouldn't hurt.

Do I feel bad for acting like that?

Yes, I do.

But I only mentioned my displeasure to my dad.

That it was unfair they all ganged up on me.

I feel bad, okay. I do.

Especially since then I realized my bro-in-law was still recovering from his surgery.

But honestly though, I think my sisters just hate me.

For whatever reason.

'In The Nude'. Thankfully it didn't break, considering it's made of plastic.

Free brush set.

The brush set is cute, but that's about it.

It was an incentive to try out new makeup I guess.

I would definitely try out the other cosmetics they have. Probably ask my friend to get them for me in the US for slightly cheaper XD

So yeah, that was last night.

Sigh.

I was a lot happier these days too :(

It's not fair.

It's really not fair.


But I'm sure I'll get my happiness again.
In one way or another.

Goodnight then :D

Take care, everyone!

-Nisah-

P.S: Join my giveaway :D It's nothing much, but the more, the merrier!!

This always happens btw. Swatch-erific!