Beauty Tools I Kinda Want...

...and some I might need :/

There's not a lot, but they are useful. At least one of these items, I REALLY do need.
I have a lot of tools, like the PMD and the facial sauna.

I also have the Sigma Spa Solutions (the full kit) and it sucks.
That's a big regret! I kinda wanna use it just for the body.

Anyway, here are some of them.

Photo sources are all from Mr. Google.

1)

Shu Uemura S-Curler

I really need this, the one I have right now sucks.

The one I use now is from Daiso. It's okay, considering I've had it for years...but it still pinches my lids sometimes!

I bought a small curler from Daiso also and that is even worse. I don't even know what I can use it for.

A big regret of mine was not getting this last year in KK.

It looks scary from the picture but considering that it doesn't have the sides to pinch, that's already selling it for me.

I'm not a big mascara user but it's starting to grow on me.  BOUGHT :D

2)

Benjabelle Brush Tree

I haven't decided which tree I'd get but I just want it for the fact that it has that middle thing.

I made my own, something similar BUT I'm lacking the middle support. It's very hard to work with (the one I made) and this just seems a lot easier.

But it's not a priority. If I can make the support one of these days, I wouldn't need this.

3)

Clarisonic Pro

*EDIT*

FOREO LUNA/LUNA mini

(Yeah, I think I'd prefer this over brush heads)

Okay, I don't necessarily need the pro one.

My face has been doing okay, I do have occasional break outs but that doesn't concern me as much.

My main concern are clogged pores. I HATE THEM.

They won't go away. I don't wanna invest in another clay mask until I finish what I already have but the masks I have aren't that good ;-;

Clogged pores, unclog yourselves, PLEASE.

---

I really need a new lash curler!

That's what I need now.

Oh, and new contact lenses I guess.

I've had my blood drawn out today for a test.

I haven't had my blood checked in a while.

Anyway, do you have any of these tools?

What do you think about them?

'til then, take care!

-Nisah-

De-Stressing Haul (The Body Shop, Catrice, etc.)

I don't remember the last time I shopped, I think I got a lipgloss from Etude but that's about it? Oh, and an applicator. I don't even keep track of what I buy anymore. I've focused all my money on the cats.

Either cat food or my food.

I'm going through all my makeup stuff, slowly. BUT there's this habit I still can't let go.

Buying new foundation or BB Cream even though I don't need it.

I've been stressed for almost two weeks now, not due to exams actually, but it's due to my horrible mood swings. I've been weepy, sad, and angry.

It made me want to get something.

But well, yesterday I did go out. I haven't gone out (other than the clinic and restaurant) in a while.

I rely a lot on the mister that it feels weird going out with family.

It feels naked.

ANYWAY.

I did not plan two things.

Can you guess what it is?

1. The Body Shop "Tea Tree Squeaky-Clean Scrub" (BND19.90)

- Not planned at all. I did ask the SA about what product is good for removing blackheads and clogged pores. She recommended this. I told her I didn't need a new cleanser but she said this is specifically just for scrubbing. I wasn't sure at first but I did try it on my hand, and I liked it. I used it yesterday and so far, I do like it. It stings a bit around the eyes, well the scent does.

2. The Body Shop "Vineyard Peach Body Butter" (BND24.90)

- I've been wanting a body butter for a while because my moisturisers just don't cut it. This is EXPENSIVE ( ;-; ) but I bit my tongue and got this. I was debating between four scents: this, the new raspberry, blueberry and a permanent lychee one. I LOVE peaches, so I got this. I'm so obsessed with the new matte packaging and the scents that I kinda want the rest now. It's on my wish list lol.

3. Catrice "All Matt Plus Shine Control Make Up" (BND9.90)

- I don't know why I got this but I did. I was thinking about it, looked up reviews and whatnot. I'm just so disappointed in the Revlon Colorstay oxidising on me that I need to find something else. I might just sell that one on a blogsale :/ I got this in the shade 030 Warm Beige. I would be so angry if this oxidises too.

4. Ibu Putih Strawberry (BND15)

- I've been wanting to try the Nina Skincare one, but I like the smell of strawberries, so I figured why not try this one first. Comparing pictures and all that, I think this is the original one. 

With some discounts...it all totalled to: BND63.72

*dies*

I need a job.

Do you wanna buy my paintings? ( ;-; )

I have cats to feed too.

Have you tried any of these products?

'til then, take care!

-Nisah-

Monthly Faves: April 2014

( '-' ) if any of you managed to read the post I did...I apologize.
I'm still not better, but I'm trying to force myself to feel better.

Let's forget about that and let's talk about my favourite products from last month :D

Wrong choice of background LOL

I have a lot of makeup products that I love, with some random things here and there.

1. LUSH "Lovely Jubblies Breast Cream"

- This was my mom's, but she wasn't using it, so I offered to take it from her. She bought it to use for her face though. I love the scent and I feel like it's very moisturising. I use it for my breasts because I feel like it's...uh, sagging a bit from me losing weight last year and I didn't realise it until now! I feel like with this cream and a proper bra, I think it lifted it a bit lol. Either way, the lovely smell lasts a long time! Pricy though x.x

2. Catrice "Evolution to Revolution Ultra Black Volume Mascara"

- I bought this because it was on sale (it's discontinued) and I quite like it! It's not waterproof, I haven't cried with it, but it lasts long enough before it kind of flakes. It has two wands for two looks: Look 1 is for natural volume and Look 2 is for dramatic volume. I prefer Look 1's wand :)

3. TheFaceShop "Faceit All About Gel Eyeliner"

- This was my sister's and she stopped using it so I took it from her. This gel liner is amazing. It doesn't smudge and it's just awesome! It's just a bit unpractical because she lost the brush and I keep forgetting where my liner brush went to lol.

4. Etude House "Aloha V-Line Slim Maker"

- I mostly use the contour side for my nose and the sides of my cheeks. It's a bit lighter than what I prefer but I've been liking it more, especially since I'm using the Real Techniques Contour Brush. It blends nicely and is build-able without looking muddy. The highlighter is pretty but I rarely use it.

5. Etude House "Sweet Recipe Cupcake All Over Color"

- I've done a review on this here. I've been loving this for the cheeks and lips. It's just so flattering on my skintone, but I do need lipbalm because it's not moisturising.

6. Etude House "Nymph Aura Volumer Baby Glow Balm"

- I wanna say holy grail but this is not in the permanent line I think ;-; I have oily-combination skin and this is still awesome on me. I would skip moisturiser and just go straight to this after toning my skin. I don't need a primer with this because the lasting power is good. The coverage is medium to full. The applicator is also what makes this product a winner, so I bought an extra one :)

7. Catrice "All Round Concealer"

- I've hit pan on two shades. The lightest shade does not suit me at all so I might mix it with something else. The product doesn't last that long but it's still handy to have around. It blends easily too.

8. essence "I ♥ Stage Eyeshadow Base"

- Still my go-to primer. Full review here. 

9. Makeup Revolution "Iconic 3 Palette"

- Lovely shades that are suitable for everyday use. It blends nicely! It looks like I'm barely making a dent because I really don't need much to build up colour, especially for the darker shades. It's an everyday natural palette that I am reaching for all the time.

10. Etude House "Dear Darling Roll Roll Gloss"

- I didn't look up the shade name but it's #10. It's just a lovely colour, the purple made me buy it. A review for other shades can be found here.

11. Dolly Wink "Liquid Eyeliner in Deep Black"

- I found it hard to use this at first, but I do like it. It doesn't last on my lower lash line unfortunately, but it applies quite nice on the upper lash line. Quite pricy though.

12. Etude House "BB Cream Cotton Fit"

- Good oil control? Not really. However, it is medium to full coverage and I rarely need to apply concealer when I use this. Actually it's the same with the Glow Balm too. It blends nicely and W24 is a great shade match for me. Does not crease around my laugh lines (not as bad as other foundations/BB creams). It looks quite natural on me.

13. PlusWhite "5 Minute Speed Whitening Gel"

- It works gradually without hurting my teeth. It does make it sensitive, but just a little. I'm happy because it actually works, but I need to be diligent. I drink a lot of tea so this is a must.

14. SkinFood "Avocado Rich Eye Balm"

- It moisturises nicely without giving me milia seeds. A little goes a long way and it smells heavenly.

15. OraLabs "Chap Ice Cherry Lip Balm"

- I lost my Baby Lips so I turned to this. It's actually quite moisturising and I use it a lot. Easy to carry around too!

16. Travel Size Stippling Brush

- It's from the fake M.A.C Hello Kitty set. It's poor quality BUT it works so well with applying cream or powder blushes! I don't look like a clown for once :D

17. Real Techniques "Contour Brush"

- It's because of this brush that I am now contouring my cheeks again. It just does a terrific job at it and I can't be without it, I love it so much!

18. Real Techniques "Buffing Brush"

- My new best friend at buffing my foundation and BB Cream. It just does the job so beautifully.

PHEW.

That was longer than intended.

Do you like any of the products I faved?

If there are any products you'd like me to write a full review on, do leave a comment :)

'til then, take care!

-Nisah-

A moment of peace, that's all I'm asking.

I've had terrible mood swings for a long time now.

Sometimes, it's just a day or two's worth of depression or stress.
Sometimes, it's just irritability, anger and the feeling of wanting to hit or throw things.
Sometimes it's just tears, all day, every day, tears.

For no reason.

Sometimes...it's all of that, and it lasts a long time.


I'm so tired of it.

I've mentioned it to my parents, that I want it checked. A gynaecologist , or something, even going back to seeing psychiatrists. Heck, I even asked for religious help since the beginning of the year.

But none came.

I would have to depend on the person I love, to at least be by my side, just walking around with him, talking to him, it would help prevent such episodes.

Unfortunately he's unavailable, and it's not his fault. I'm just at my worst when he can't help.



Last month, when my parents were away for two weeks, I noticed that I had a smooth month. I didn't even fight with my sister, I didn't have any issues.

Except for one day, but it was just a short sad period. I was okay, still.


I'm not saying that my parents caused this, maybe they did, but what I know is that they make it...worse.


I know, I know when it comes.

It comes before my period, during my period...and I noticed that it's the worse when I'm ovulating (I have the app for it).

I took note of this.

I know, I KNOW that it's related to it.

Is it hormones?


You've heard of PMS, but if it's PMS, why is it so, so horrible for me.

Why does it last for so long.


And it goes away, for a bit.


And comes back during my next cycle.


I've even said to my mom I want my ovaries out.


I wanted to go have it checked.

I wanted to have it checked.



But my mom always said: "You're not married yet, you don't have these problems."


"It's not possible for you to have these problems."



I just want to be normal.



I don't want to depend on medication to live.


But it won't go away.



I just want to live peacefully.
To have mood swings that don't last long, that cause strain in my relationships.


To not hurt others while I'm hurting.


But my family is just making it worse.




Not only do they pretend to not hear me when I explain to them that I'm tired of hurting them, they tell me:

"Grow up. You're being immature."

"It's the Devil."

"Stop crying, you're old enough."


"You've been normal for a long time, why now."

"Why start again now."


"Can't you control yourself? You're old enough to control yourself."


"You have a black heart."

"You're like this because you're you."



"You're just evil inside."





I'm so, so tired of listening to this, when I already told them how hard I've tried to control it all these months of so called "normalcy".


I've tried.


It's just that this time, it just won't. go. away.




It just won't go away.



I feel like the only way to stop it is by dying.


Maybe it'll finally stop. This pain.


This monthly torture.



I'm calm now. A little.


But who knows if it'll come back again.


It did before.

It did, yesterday, five times, with some moments of calm... then the storm.



I can't force myself to sleep, no matter how tired I am.




I've been praying to be normal.


I can't have a normal life if I don't know when I'll break.

It's so predictable, yet so unpredictable.



I don't know when it'll be the awful one that lasts so long.




I called the Psychiatry and they can't help me. They want to talk to my family.

My family caused me to call them.


It's a stupid cycle.



I called my brother and he can't let me stay at his place with his family.


Even though I told him staying here will eventually drive me crazy.



They look at me, like I'm disgusting. Like I'm evil.



I didn't choose to be born like this.



I didn't choose to be like this.




I didn't choose this body that has so many problems.









Stop blaming me.


I didn't choose this family.