So Many Ideas...

...but no one to help realise them.

Mostly it's to do with music.
I have so many draft vocal tunes, lyrics and ideas for the music...

I just don't have the resources to help make them come true.
Actually, I do. But only for a certain genre of music.

I want something for everything. In fact, if anything, I WANT to be the one who makes the music. I think I can do it, but maybe I'm just talentless in that area.

Composing, I mean.

Believe it or not, I have problems with rhythms. I can't really dance, btw. I think that's why, too.

Last year, a stroke of genius time came for me, around August.
Then it all stopped.

Plus, when I turned to use my Macbook, I don't get to use my FL Studio very much.

It's funny, because technically, I have everything to make something simple. My midi cable's here, pop filter's here, I have an electric and acoustic guitar and a freakin' keyboard.

I never believed in the "Buy all the instruments, can get all the nice things" thing. What's the point of buying this and that if you don't learn how to use it right?

Heck, I'm trying my best to play acoustic guitar.
I even cried.

Because even when I'm alone, I'm embarrassed at how awful I am at it.
Same goes with keyboard, and don't get me started on the electric guitar.


I feel ashamed that I can't play them.


My doctor asked me: Why do you have such a high expectation of yourself?

WELL I DON'T KNOW!

Because I grew up never having to work hard in studies?
That I thought my voice was given by God? Well, to a degree.

That my skills in writing or drawing...or what used to be them, was just there, an innate ability.


All that was left for me to do was enhance them. Practice this, practice that.


But with guitars and keyboards, I guess...I expected it to be innate too.
Lazy me, I think I want to believe that.

I SO want to believe that.


Sometimes I feel like I'm just sitting in a dark room, surrounded with these instruments, my books, my art supplies and my laptop....and I'm just sitting, in a fetal position, staring into the dark.


...and as time goes by, these things move away more from me.


I could only stare at them as they go.


They left me all alone.





It's pathetic of me to rely only on things I'm born with.
But I believe in that thing where I shouldn't venture onto things I'm sure I have no talent in.


I'm not deaf.
I know when I sound good, or when I sound horrible.


I trained my ears for that.

When I play the instruments, it's like...just horrible things.

My sister had to endure my guitar practices and boy, does she endure them.



It's funny how I just said I relied on things I'm born with when I actually trained my ears.
But then again, I trained them on my own.

I need vocal training, heck yes, I do.

In fact I think I kinda effed up my vocals due to singing when I'm sick.
It happens.


Maybe I'd need vocal rehabilitation eventually.


And maybe I should take up some guitar classes and shit.


Because the only thing I know I'll never give up on is my childhood dream to sing.

Even when everything is as dark as well, dark things.


Like right now. When everything seems dead.


I realised that I can make it better by singing. No matter how broken, how pathetic I sound.
As long as I can sing, as long as I think people want me to sing.


I'll sing.



Or not.

It depends.
Haha.


Bleh.


Well, this song cheered me up:

( 'w' ) it really did.

Take care everyone!
I've been forgetting a lot of things.

-Nisah-

P.S: I really wanna be a guy, y'know.

I didn't really contour my nose for this pic >_>;

That day will come.

My Acne Story... (Disgusting Photos, I Warned Ya)

To be honest, this post is what I've been dreading the most.
I struggled, I really did. With writing this.

I'm on the verge of crying.
When I took out the photos from my old laptop.

I really cried.
I kinda also found some old pics of my ex, but eh.

I think my acne battle made me cry more.
Anyway.

Growing up, I never had to fight acne that much, I believe it was around the end of 2011 that I noticed my skin getting worser and worser. It was also 2011 that I started developing a love with makeup. Did it cause my acne?

Or was it turning 20?

Maybe it was both.

You can read more about it on my other blogposts. I'll link them here:

Yesterday <- Started acne treament with Skintologist (FAILED)
Once Upon A Time <- My old skin :x I will never continue this. Think of this post as Part 2!
Acne, GO AWAY ): <-Recollecting of when it started, my battle documentary, partially.

Or you can click on the acne or anti-acne tags.

Here are some pics (made small for your sake) of when my acne/acne scars were at its worst D:

These photos were taken right after a Skintologist facial (so you see some stray mask residue here and there) and you could see that there was nothing good about it.

Not happy that I had to go out like this after a facial.

It was very hard to smile.

I know my acne's not as bad as some people but still...

Last photo was when my skin was so horrible. It  was dry, flaky and had many breakouts!

So basically what I've done to battle acne was:

1) Invested in a failed acne facial/microdermabrasion treatment with Skintologist (BND800+ down the drain, actually plus BND100+ for the so-called "skincare", and I'm not even done yet with them D: I don't know if I want to go back, actually!)

2) Invested in a PMD (I still use it from time to time, and this cost like BND200+)

3) Invested in products that when pooled, probably cost more than BND200+ or just less.

4) Make-up Ban that didn't work much other than increase my anxiety.

5) Tried traditional means to battle it, failed.

6) Tried some anti-acne tablets. Didn't work.

7) Invested in make-up to help cover it.

8) Researched everything to do with acne. Avoided milk, avoided some food, but eh.

9) Covered my mirrors because I was too hideous.

10) Ended up going to the doctor and cried. Prescribed T3 Mycin....and it worked!!


T3 Mycin, I believe, was the start of actually stopping my acne.
I think it was. I might be wrong.
It might be a placebo effect.

But either way, after using it (and maybe that time I was using something else), acne stopped and all I had to do was fade scars.

And again, I was on the search for scar-fading solutions D:

Nothing seemed to work as fast.

Or as miraculous.

I ordered things here and there...

...until I found a miracle in a tub.

C+M's Papaya Whitening Deep Moisture Gel. (It's out-of-stock DAMMIT)

That, and Eskinol Papaya Smooth White.

Using Eskinol was a gamble because a lot of people said it is bad for the skin.
I think it is. However, it helped me, a lot.

I think my scars fade as early as 1 week!


I also used nanoWhite Intensive de-Pigmentor Serum when I was on this skincare regime but I ran out of it and it was too expensive to buy >_>; I mean, for such a small product lol.

You too expensive, baby.

Unfortunately, I'm not using any of these products at the moment :/

I ran out of all of them ( ;_; ) but I'm working it with a combination of things.

Somehow my pores are clogged, but as long as I don't breakout, I'm okay with it.

I'm been breaking out here and there because of my bad sleeping habits (I mean, hello, it's 2.37AM right now)

But I will go back to my old skincare regime when I think the other things don't work out!

I hope the Moisture Gel is restocked soon.

Like, seriously.

I can't live without it ):

Well, I've been living without it for a while...

I still can't find a similar product.

If you have any recommendations of a gel moisturiser, do leave it in the comments below!

Cream based moisturisers are too heavy for me.

So, how does my skin look like now?

You wanna see?

This was actually for a BB Cream Review LOL.

It's not perfect but I'm not complaining.

I have clogged pores around my nose right now...any tips for clogged pores? LOL.

So yeah, do I recommend you to use my way of dealing with acne? Nope.

You see...Tea Tree Oil, Salicylic Acid and Benzoyl Peroxide did not work on me.

I was gutted.

I don't even take care of what I eat (I eat sweet stuff like hell, believe me) although I'm still scared of milk.

I don't exercise much now.

I SHOULD THOUGH.

And my sleeping pattern is messed up.

So yeah, some people's acne is caused by poor diet, lack of exercise and bad sleeping patterns.

I think back then, it was caused by weird hormonal imbalance and I think I still have that.

But like what that woman from Skintologist said: "The skin changes when we reach our 20s, that's when we need to change our skincare. That's when we need to slough off dead skin on our own, do some treatments, facials and invest in some products. Because our skin has changed completely."

I think so too.

So do bear in mind, what might work in the past might not work now.

....although I'm treating my skin so badly now D:

Oh, oh!

Something I really, really emphasise nowadays is CLEANSE YOUR FACE THOROUGHLY AFTER MAKEUP!!!

Like, seriously.

That's one mantra I have.

No matter how I tired I am, cleansing my face off of makeup is something I will not take lightly.

I'm still thinking whether or not I should finish my "treatments" with Skintologist :/
Can I ask for a fucking refund?


Heh.

Now, my only problems are:

1) Clogged Pores
2) Big pores on the nose.
3) Blackhead/Whitehead.
4) Oily T-Zone (or rather, I haven't found a good primer!)
5) Under the skin bumps.


Okay then!

Take care!

I hope this post didn't give you nightmares D:

-Nisah-

EDIT: I remember what my sister told me~ Don't buy products that SAs recommend unless they have flawless skin. Or, don't follow advice from people who rarely breakout lol. Like, the products they recommend to "banish acne" when they only break out during their periods. Can you see the logic in that thinking?

EDIT2: LOL, oh yeah, follow my blog via Bloglovin'? The more the followers, the more I'll hurry up with the April Giveaway ( ;w; )

Follow my blog via' Bloglovin'

Profit VS Scamming (Brunei Edition)

Disclaimer: THIS POST IS BY NO MEANS TRYING TO PUT PEOPLE OUT OF BUSINESS, BUT READ IT WITH AN OPEN MIND.

Okay, after I post this, I will move on to happier things, okay?

This is what I experienced and saw today at Airport Mall, Brunei.

----

We were on the way back to our car, so we passed through Airport Mall, and there were stalls around. I didn't even look around because it was late.

But then my brother got stopped by one of the stall shopkeepers.

So they started talking, and me and his girlfriend saw some makeup being sold.
I didn't care for it, as I just bought something from Etude House.

Until I saw that my brother's girlfriend gushing about how pretty this palette was....

...can you guess what it was?


It was the sought after Urban Decay Naked 2 Palette.

Urban Decay's Naked 2 Palette (Image from Jess Beez Adventures ) 

Actually, it's the "Naked 2 Palette".

It was the fake one, the Grade A replica ones China makes.

Replicated "Naked 2 Palette" (Image taken from Makeuptalk ) 

You see, I'm familiar with things like these because I myself have contemplated buying them myself, online, through the proper shops. They sell these at USD15-19 per piece, and then shipping. If you buy in bulk however, you'd get it cheaper.

Converted, that should be BND19 right? Roughly. Plus maybe USD2 shipping, which makes it BND21. However, if you bought it in bulk, 12+, you can get one palette at BND13 (plus the shipping, which I guess it around BND40 depending on weight).

After some calculating, one price of the palette would be roughly BND16.

But they were selling it at BND85, because my brother's GF asked how much they were, while admiring it.

Yes, you read that right.

BND85.

So, how much profit are they making?

They are making BND69 out of one palette.


So, what do you think that's considered as?
Is it genuine "profit" or a scam?


Plus, after I outed them by saying "Well, that's fake, I know."

The seller said, "No, they're real, my friend bought it from the US."


Okay, that's one thing to sell it at BND85, but to insist that it's real?
Sorry, I can't tolerate that.


Not only are you making a HUGE profit from it, you're also LYING to potential customers.
Why can't you just say, "Oh, they're Grade A replicas from China."

And sell them maybe at a reasonable BND35 at least?

Might I add that China made the full replica now too, which comes with the lipgloss.

New Packaging of the Replica (Image taken from My Beauty Vanity ) 

You can also view the new fake Naked 2 Palette from this blog: Amna's Post

I also saw some of the replicas actually looking like this, but the palette is boxed like in the photo above.

So yeah, I have to back up Urban Decay telling me this when I asked them about this UD Palette I bought from eBay:

"Thank you for your email. We do not have any authorized resellers on Ebay. The only authorized resellers of Urban Decay are Sephora, Ulta, and Macy's as well as some international websites like beautybay.com. We do not have any individual authorized resellers. It is against our company policy."

Although after much soul searching, my palette (which I will write about in another entry), is possibly real, or a bloody good replica. LOL. Either way, I got it cheaply. And that's with shipping by the way~

Not expensively like BND85!!

So yeah, Brunei, is this even legal in our country?
Imagine all the unsuspecting people buying this palette.

BND85 isn't cheap you know.

Not only that, the ingredients in a fake palette can be full of dangerous ingredients and we wouldn't know!

But I did mention before that I considered buying them. Why would I not mind? Because I do have some palettes made in China.


My brother told me to let it be, it's some people's way of "making money to earn a living"

Yes. That's true.

But two things I can't forgive:

1) Insisting that the product is REAL and AUTHENTIC.
2) The pricing. Heck, even the original one is about BND70-75!

Not only that, they were also selling one of my favourite brands, theBalm. The fake one too of course. For that one, I didn't ask.


I'm just bringing this up.

How much of this is legal?
Can we protect consumers like this?

There's nothing wrong with admitting that they are replicas, and making just a bit of profit from it. Maybe double it. But that's about it.

I know you're a small business.


But I am also not a blind consumer.

Okay?


Sorry if I offended the seller should they be reading.

I am only saying it can be dangerous and very wrong.

Take care!

-Nisah-

February. Mostly a rant.

( '_____' )

Hey.
It's February.

Anything significant? Not much. Well, not really I guess.
If you guys paid attention, all winners have responded to me.

I will mail the prizes as soon as I can. God, I hope they have no restrictions to what countries I'm sending them to. And I hope it's not too expensive, if not, I'll have to limit my giveaways a bit ><;

I love holding them, I really do.
Well, sorting out the entries wasn't my favourite part I guess.

Not everyone's I guess. Haha.

That was dry.


I am in no mood to blog, but I just wanna...uh, "welcome" the new month?

I don't like February...it brings a lot of memories.
Good ones, actually, but I shouldn't view them that way.

So....well, university workload is finally piling up D:

I hate reading now. It's so funny. I used to read for fun. Now it's a chore.

And my subjects mostly involve reading. HELLO. I'm a literature student. If I don't read, I don't qualify D:

I need drive and I lack that right now.
I want to be in charge of my life, sure, it's a bit hard to be in control, unless you're a born leader or a...control freak.

Or you're born confident. Me? Confident?

Heck---yes? No?

It depends.

In class, sure, I'm the one who talks a lot but I don't talk empty. And when I mean talk, I mean participate in discussions. I CAN'T BEAR HAVING A QUIET CLASS.

Well, excuse me for wanting to make things lively but hey, at least I'm not talking crap.

I actually DO ask legit questions and stuff.

Especially to things I really don't know the answer to on my own.

...and that includes 'love'.

Haha, no, no talk about those things.

What is love? Bullcrap.

Love does not exist. It blinds you.
It binds you to someone who leaves you.

That's so pessimistic of me, no?

Oh, shush, I'm so optimistic about it that I need to calm down and stop writing about it.

I've only had ONE boyfriend and ONE ex.

That's it.

That sums it up, no?

Do I want a new one?

No.

I'm happy with my cats.

Call me a cat lady but my cats sure as hell make me happy and occupy me. Sure, they can only meow and need their litter boxes cleaned daily, and they can't really feed themselves but they're cute and cuddly and warm.

A cat is a baby that never grows up.
And has fur.

And stays with baby talk forever.


I did an impromptu photoshoot yesterday.
Didn't get much photos but I did manage to snap a pic of me actually smiling.

A forced smile, can you tell?

With my crooked front tooth. Didn't bother to edit the skin. And by edit, I mean airbrush. I think my makeup or lack of proper one (sheer BB Cream coverage with concealer and powder, lack of shadows and lack of proper eyeliner), still managed to cover my flaws okay. You can see my skin isn't perfect but eh. It passes.

With makeup.

On my lips I used Etude House products, the lipliner and a lipgloss.

I spent most of my time wearing the wig and the lenses. I hate these lenses, it hurts my eye. My right one, only. It could be damaged but I dunno.

This is my February 1st look. LOL.

Would I dye my hair this colour? Maybe. One day.

It'd be too high maintenance.

I wish I had naturally grey eyes.

Ah well.

Oh, and the hand?

It was to cover this weird zit. More like a carbuncle D: NO.

UGH. I hate those things. Maybe I've been eating too many sweet things. Probably.

I only want sweet things.


Sweet things are nice.


What's in store for February?

Hell.

Or not.

We'll see.

In the meantime, I should be reading 'Sense and Sensibility' today because tomorrow, I'd be super busy.

Ah well.

Have a great February I guess :)


Take care, everyone.

-Nisah-

Fairy....Catmother?

So, I wake up, ready (well, not really) to go do this literature quiz. So, I went to university, went to class. Kinda made a mistake for writing the questions, I didn't have time to answer the questions fully. Darn quick fire quizzes >_>

Anyway, I decided to stay a bit because I was borrowing paint from my friend. I waited and waited. Then I got hungry.

In between the library and the place to eat, there's a bridge.

There, at the bridge, what did I see?

A cat.

Shyla.

Well, not really.

It was smaller, and paler in comparison to my baby.

LOOK AT MAH BAYBEHHHH

Anyway....

I went ahead and petted her, she was very friendly. Then a couple of people came and asked "Do you like cats?", or other things like "Are you feeding her?", etc.

The cat was just resting against my bag, which I didn't mind.

A more Chinese-y Shyla I guess.

Then I sat down, just nodding and stuff.

I looked to my left.

I realized that the cat, well, the cat, well.

She pinned me down.

In the middle of the bridge.

Cozying up to me, huh?

Then, a lot of people started going to and fro, while I sat there like an idiot.

I just smiled at them.

Yes, I felt weird but no, I didn't mind. Because a cute cat was next to me.

So, taking this pic, I asked my father to bring a carrying cage with him when he picks me up. I had to also text my friend to come to the bridge since I can't move.

Haha, you must be thinking, "But the cat's just on your skirt, shoo her away"

WRONG.

She got braver.

Then, I was officially pinned down.

So, what to do?

I dunno.

Then a girl, a random girl (who's apparently in my Painting 1 class) kneeled down and asked me what's wrong. Told her I planned to bring the cat home with me.

She helped me carry her to the car. She was nice.

I didn't catch her name, I did ask though.

But she didn't say.

So yeah, bringing her home, I was excited and scared. I didn't know how Shyla'd react.

I only brought her home because we had an extra cage.

And she looked so much like Shyla.

When I came home, Shyla was out and about, roaming around. Of course, she was surprised to see the new addition.

Dad decided to name the cat "Fini", because it's a cat I "Found" and that it's "Bini-Bini" (female in Malay). And that's how Fini was born.

Weird name, isn't it?

So, I cleaned the cage, fed her, gave her something to drink, etc. Then, I noticed that she was kinda dirty so I bathed her.

Also, then, I saw that she might have some fleas D:

EGAD.

I also checked her ears, I think there might be infestation.

Like, then it occurred to me, "WTF DID I JUST DO???"

But then, she was so adorable D:

So yeah, bathed her and stuff. No fuss. Shyla makes a big deal out of baths.

Then, before 3, I had to go back to uni because I had class.

I told mom that I wanted to go buy some medication for earmites and flea/tick/mite powder.

The powder portion was okay, but the earmite drops.... >_>;

Made me regret trying to be a Fairy Catmother.

Why am I so....I mean, why did I so easily take in another cat??

When I already have Shyla?

Poor Shyla got a bit jealous ):

I DO love her, no doubt about it.

I love my cat. Now, I have two to take care of.

Unless someone wants to adopt Fini?

Do you want to adopt her?

I'll make sure she's healthy first.

Okay?

So yeah. That's my boring story.

I'm officially a Cat Lady now.

Screw men.

Take care, all!

-Nisah-

I Killed Myself

By cutting my hair.

They say the life of a woman lies on their hair.
The length of their hair. The health, the shine, etc.

It's our crown.
So I cut it.

In a sense, I "killed" myself.

It wasn't a drastic cut like I did before. I had a breakdown and I just chopped off most of my hair back then.

Today, when I did it, I just felt very down and depressed.

I wanted an asymmetrical cut and yeah, I got it.

Snip. Snip. Snip.

Yeah, I could say that I barely felt anything as I cut my hair. I kept it long for a reason.

I wanted to keep my bangs long but then I just decided to cut it.

SNIP.

I look dead, don't I?

I feel dead.

Now, that made me younger a bit. Yeah?

All the breaking down is good.

No. It's not. I'm joking.

I nearly poked my eye with the scissors today.

I feel like part of the burden is gone.

But another one came up.

Do YOU cut your own hair for fun? Or to release stress/tension/depression?

Take care.

Do join my giveaway if you haven't. It ends in a few days.

-Nisah-

The Power of Makeup Part 1: Simple Makeup

Hey :)

I'm actually supposed to be sleeping but heck, I figured why not.
I spent the whole day cleaning Shyla's cage, then cleaning my bathroom (coz it got all dirty with the drilling work and stuff) and now my room.

Am I a cleaning freak? No. It just calms me down. Especially when I have anxiety.

Anyway, that's not the point I wanna make.

I had this thought so randomly appear tonight.

The Power of Makeup, on me.

I wouldn't say I'm naturally pretty, especially since when I am at home, I always look like a very plain person. That will be revealed at the end of this post lol.

I could care less on how I look like at home. I always have my hair pulled back with a headband and I either braid it or put it in a bun or clip. I mean, what are the chances of people coming over, right? lol. Plus I need to tend to my Princess. My fussy Princess Shyla. I can't look dolled up when I clean cat poo. No.

I don't have that need lol.

Even going to uni, I sometimes feel okay to look like a plain person with no fashion sense. Sure, I still have some scarring I need to cover and stuff but at least it's not as bad as before. The only tiring part of my routine nowadays are my brows. Having to fill them in every time I go out just because I over-shaved them LOL.

Anyway, the pics I will post will follow a chronological order of when I went to KK until yesterday.

I don't take photos of myself everyday LOL. Just my cat. Who is so pretty now ( ;A; )

Tried so hard to capture her pretty eyes but I failed...

She hates posing D:

This was a lucky shot because she quickly ran away after that.

Her fur is so soft hehehe. I just bathed her the other day.

ANYWAY.

 Here's a photo of me when I reached Le Meridien Hotel!

I honestly miss my reddish-pink tinged hair D: 

For this, I think I only lined my eyes a little, covered my face with an uberly whitish BB Cream and filled in my brows. I lined my eyes in the car. So pro eh? LOL

Simple, simple makeup but makes such a difference.

Next:

No more reddish tinge (le crey)

This was taken on the way to celebrate SJ's birthday.

She commented I looked old here.

Which I agreed. I used eyebrow mascara on my brows and well, it gave me a weird effect instead of a youthful look. Plus the way I lined my eyes....not very nice D:

I tried doing a cat-eye shape and well, it's not flattering.

I used blush too. I guess this was full faced makeup.

Okay, next!

Taken at Giant. After big Family Dinner.

This was after my stay at Empire Hotel.

I just covered my face with mousse foundation I think and did my brows. That's about it.

Still. makes much of a difference lol.

I don't think I even bothered with my eyes.

And now, for my recent outing on Tuesday with my friends.

With my grey lenses. Painful but pretty.

Lined my eyes with blue eyeliner, and did very very neutral shadows. Did my brows thin and yeah, that's about it lol. Used Revlon Kissable Lipbalm Stain and Etude House Roll Roll Gloss in 'Chai Latte' for the lips.

This is my go-to look nowadays if I'm wearing my lenses out. The blue eyeliner is so waterproof I wanna make a review of it soon! On the same day, something bad happened that made me cry like hell and it stayed put. No smudging at all. Even taking it off with a makeup remover took time!!!

And now.....

For the bare-faced look....

*drumroll*

EEEEK!!!

Smoothened the pic a bit but that's about it lol. 

Yes, I'm ugly without makeup.

Well, or rather, plain because I like my eyes lol.

And lips. If you cover my brows and nose, I look decent lol.

Took this pic from the most unflattering angle too!

So yeah.

That's the power of makeup for me.

But I'm getting lazier and lazier nowadays to put on makeup, let alone eye makeup...I just need to make sure my more noticeable scars are covered and have my bangs in front and I'm set.

The bangs make such a difference.

So you see, I don't like it when people who just see my pics assume I'm pretty, because I'm not.

There are filters, there are angles, there are ways to make yourself look pretty.

So yeah, in my mind, I don't like it when people expect me to look like my pics in real life because that's not how I look like lol.

Am I happier in my own skin now? Yes. But my past acne scars still haunt me.

I think for uni makeup, all I'll ever bother with is base makeup if I can help it lol.

But I'll never have my hair like this outside unless I'm with makeup lol.

So yeah, this is my normal bare-faced look.

So men, boys, guys out there.

Here's my face without makeup.

So don't expect me to look like a doll in reality all the time.

This Plain Jane, is what you'll get LOL.

So yeah, do you look very different without makeup?

Or do you look the same? Just enhanced your features?


Do share!


Okay then. I'm sleepy now.

Goodnight everyone!
Take care!

-Nisah-

EDITED: I used the word 'hobo' because my sis calls me that when I dress very badly. So I tend to associate it with how my plain look is. Hobo-like. But in reality, it's far from it I guess. More like very plain.

My New Year's Resolutions

Reading everyones comments on my latest giveaway, I'm sure it's only fair that I share my own. Well, most of the things I want to do anyway. I don't usually do resolutions, because I know I might not even follow through with them, so I'm separating them into three!!

From the highest priority to the lowest, of course.

Not much for now, because I never really thought of it.

Okay, let's start:

The-I-Must-Do-It Priorities

1) Live (for those who's read some of my posts before, you might know this means a lot)
2) Be happier (smile, be less angry at the world)
3) Lose more weight (healthily, this time)
4) Pick up old hobbies again (reading, writing and drawing)
5) Have less visits to the doctor (I have three to go to: Gastro, Psycho and Psychiatric) 

The-In-Between Priorities

1) Blog more often (reviews, especially!)
2) Learn how to play the guitar (acoustic, so I can compose more songs on my own)
3) Try to cope with studies well (starting over, they say, is hard)
4) Take care of my skin (no more pimples, pretty please?)
5) Write and record more songs (producer, hey you! yes you)

The-I-Wouldn't-Miss-It Priorities

1) Find love (don't find it, it'll come to you, they always say)
2) Learn a new language (or just make one up)
3) Give that present somehow (shhh)
4) Eat more healthily (I do, but burgers appeal to me more)
5) Be nice to everyone (I am, but sometimes they make it hard)


Weird things, aren't they?
Honestly, some, I think I am already doing so yeah, I just need to keep up :)

I think I'm blossoming into a fine lady. HAH, yeah right.

But I'll turn 22 this year, I think so.

I forgot to mention: DYE MY HAIR EITHER PINK/RED/BURGUNDY

Well, what do you think of this colour?

A lot of people think it's real hair (especially on instagram, I wonder why) but yeah, obviously it's a wig lol.

I actually really like the hairstyle.

My DIY dye faded fast. I need a pro to do it, I guess.

I want it to be this colour AND perm it like this too.
If only it's as cheap in Brunei as it was in KK. Should have done it in KK D:


Oh yeah, a poll of sorts.

What would you like to see first?

1) My KK Haul
2) My Recent Back-In-Brunei Haul
3) All The Hauls You Hid From Us
4) Give me some reviews, girl!!
5) My Acne Story

Mind you, I haven't readied any of them but yeah, LOL.

It'd be nice to know what interests you more :)


Anyway, have a nice year everyone.

Take care!

Much love.

-Nisah-

The Little Things

Individuality.
It's a word people misuse sometimes. No one is really one-of-a-kind nowadays.
Can we really still be original?

Everyone wants to emulate someone.
Everyone wants to copy someone.
Everyone wants to say they're inspired by a certain someone.

That someone may be their idol, just someone they look up to or someone they wish they could be.

As for me?
I have my fair share of idols.

Utada Hikaru
Amano Tsuki/ko
Alice Nine
Sakamoto Miu
Ayumi Hamasaki
Koda Kumi
Otsuka Ai
The Corrs
Florence + The Machine
Pixie Lott
Marina and The Diamonds
Lily Allen
Lana Del Rey
Late Night Alumni

....and the list goes on.

But do I wanna copy them? Not really.

If anything, musically, I wanna be like them. Make music like them.
Make wonderful music that makes people happy.

I managed to, last night. Somehow.
One of my friends. With my cover of Hikki's 'Heart Station'.

That makes me happy to know I can make someone happy with just my voice.

I haven't been happy myself nowadays, but I've been feeling a lot better.
Better enough to record again.

I would love to be able to draw again. Pick up my pencil, paintbrush or my tablet.

To draw again.

To pick up a thick novel and read again.

To enjoy the little things I used to love.
Used to enjoy.

I keep having flashbacks of when I was back in Japan.

Just the little things.

Like when I sang in the background for a play.
Like when I was on the stage during School Festival.
When I performed for Music Club.
Singing alone in karaoke places.
When I take showers.
When I walk to school.

To me, the little things we have as memories, that flashes in front of us...
When we close our eyes, when we are alone in the dark.

To me, that's what makes us individuals.

Experiences only we experience.
Memories only we have.
Only we understand them.


These little things, like the feel of someone's heartbeat against your own.
Their warmth, their fear, their sincerity.

Just a moment's understanding that nothing else matters except:

What you feel. What you see. What you hear. What you taste.

These little things make us individuals.

Not the superficial things like fashion, hair colour, nail colour, etc.

People remember you for who you are. Not how you look like.

People may remember me as the person who's always depressed.
Always suicidal.
Always giving up easily when things get rough.
Someone who can't control her emotions well.

People forget how I would do something to please them despite how shitty I feel.
To make someone feel happy, despite me not feeling the same way.


To try forget how bad I feel so I can make someone else happy.

Does that mean I'm a kiss-ass? On the contrary, no.
It's because I hope it makes you happy, I do something. Despite not feeling like doing anything.


These little things I do for other people.
They always forget.


Maybe that's why I always get taken advantage of.

I'm a nice person.
But I can be your worst enemy if I wanted to too.

But I don't want to.


Because I don't want to be that person.
A selfish, self-absorbed person.

I have my pride, my ego.
It's hard for me to say 'sorry'. It's hard for me to say 'thank you'.

But I do it. Because I don't want to be 'that person'.

I hate hypocrites. I don't want to be one.
I won't agree if you try to make me something I'm not.


I hate people who don't keep their promises too.
Empty promises.


I used to be a liar when I was a child. I admit that.
Because I used to want to please friends.

Then I grew up and realized that...

Trying to make yourself look better won't gain you friends.

I haven't lied in a while. Even a white lie, I'm reluctant about.


Maybe there's no reason to lie.
I have nothing to hide.

I'm a suicidal person who's depressed, I like food, I like pretty things. I wished I was thin. I have exotropia. I have chronic stomach pains since I was small. I battled acne like hell earlier this year. I have a fear of heights, I hate crowded places. I have agoraphobia (Thanks Tea). I'm scared of spiders and geckos. I have a very sensitive nose. I hate hypocrites.

.....and so and so. lol.


I like some kind of freedom in studying. I hate rules and regulations that don't make sense.


So yeah, little things.

It ended up becoming sort of a ramble-like post.

Sorry.

So yeah, to sum it up.

To me, individuality means the little things only you know.
Your own little secret.


Your own little safe haven of memories and comfort.


Goodnight, everyone :)

Take care.
Stay safe.

-Nisah-