Appointments and Stuff

Hey :D

Sorry, I really wanted to blog yesterday but somehow I wasn't feeling well enough. I went to the checkup today. Apparently, it was just a checkup to CONFIRM when the colonoscopy would be! I was worried for nothing LOL. I actually didn't have enough sleep. I couldn't sleep, so I decided to record a cover song. I slept around 7AM, then I had to wake up around 12PM to get ready to go. Arrived around 1.30PM and had to wait a long time because my doctor was in a meeting. Went to see an on-call doctor instead.

Had to wait around an hour, so I took a nap on my mom's shoulder.

When I was actually called up, the doctor was nice. So basically I explained that I went to JPMC and stuff and how my doctor there recommended taking an endoscopy too. Then, I found out that the waiting list for colonoscopy could take two months D:

I can't have that! I'm planning to get back to uni in January.

So they might try bump me up, I dunno.

When he checked my tummy, it actually hurt. It was very tender. I never realized that until he actually gently tapped on it.

Anyway, that means my life with doctor thingies aren't gonna end any time soon!

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My Macbook Pro casing finally came! OMG, waited so long for it :D

Tiffany Blue, baby!!

I have this weird love for Tiffany Blue nowadays :)
It's just pretty.

But what I'm noticing as I'm typing, the edges around the place where you rest your wrist is hurting me. It's very sharp ): what a bummer. I haven't had the protective screen on yet though. My bro helped me put this together :)

I was actually asleep when he did it. I was just mumbling while he did the rest. My laptop was charging and stuff. I took a nap, a long one. I really didn't want to wake up. I kept dreaming about weird stuff.

I expected the rubberized case to be more sticky but surprisingly, it's not!!

I got so excited I actually asked my sis to paint some tiffany blue on my thumbs XD

Sorry for the dry cuticles ): Been dehydrated.

I chose my usual go-to colours :) I have never tried to actually use nailart, feels weird. Dunno if I like it. I mean, I can only paint my nails on my period anyway :/ feels like a hassle to be all fancy, you get what i mean?

I believe this is almost all my nailpolish collection

I was debating whether to go with dark colours or lighter ones but obviously the lighter ones won XD

I wanna get some nude colours next time!

Okay, now onto the things I got in Miri!!
It's nothing much like I usually do lol. I kinda refrained.

This is a mix of daily thingies. The Rexona deodorant was a freebie though LOL

I got the wax strips from Guardian, the deodorant too. The rest are from SuperSave.

I would have bought more things from SuperSave but I didn't have time :/

Makeup Collection!

theBalm stuff came from SaSa of course. I got the Sexy Mama Translucent Powder and a Shady Lady Single Eyeshadow in Mischievous Marissa. I got lucky that I don't have a similar colour in my Nude'tude! But...I think I can find a dupe on my Cafe Au Lait :O

I got another Revlon Lip Butter in Tutti Frutti. I was on a swatching spree, even asked my dad to compare swatches. I also got this..Maybelline Water Shine Pure Lipstick. It's very sheer :O but kinda pretty. It looks nice swatched. I think it'll look good on people with less pigmented lips.

And lastly, I got two more packs of my favourite makeup wipes :D Pictured here is the one I'm currently using up though.

I got two new items of clothing.

I chose...colourful ones.

Very spring-like, what was I thinking??

Very retro, old lady looking.

 I'll say it flat out, these are HUGE.
Got them from Ms Read, a place my mom shops at.
It's, to me, I define it as a plus-sized clothing place.
A fashionable one though.

Am I that fat?
Not really.

But I'm not thin either and I rather not show my fat arms and my tummy.

These sizes though, are a little bit toooooo loose.
But they're comfy.

They only had two sizes left. The other one was hugeee.

I think it'd look nice in shorts but I don't think I'm allowed to wear them.
But who knows XD
I can definitely say if I ever get pregnant, this would definitely fit.

And lastly.

One. Magazine.

 I HATE it when shops decide to use a very sticky sticker for the price. It ripped off the shiny layer. My OCD hates that. HATES that.

On a side note, Lena is HOT.

I was very bummed out that I couldn't find Marina and The Diamonds's Electra Heart album ):
Really, really bummed out.

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I've been baking recently :)
And here are the fruits of my labour~

Michael Smith's Choco Chip Cookie Brownie

THIS WAS SOOO GOOOOD.

Even my maid liked it like hell. Everyone liked it.

My sis helped. Her, being the mathematician was more precise than I am, maybe that's why it turned out well.

And below, is me, on my own.

I decided to only bake the brownie layer.

OH GOD THAT LOOKS GOOD.

Mom told me to put in the pumpkin seeds.

Bad move.

But it looked pretty nonetheless.

Sis helped smoothen them :) Mom too

Being the Math Hater I am...

I miscalculated the batch.

So it turned out to be thinner than I expected.

Freshly out of the oven!

Bitter Chocolate Pumpkin Brownie

Some people say it's good, some say meh.
But I think when you're sad, it lifts you up!!

I like the bitterness :)

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So that's about it :D

Nothing groundbreaking but yeah :) Hopefully that's a happier update from me :)

Don't forget to join my 100th Post Giveaway !!

It's nothing much, but I'll be sure to have a better one in the future :)

Okay then, have a good night/morning :D

Take care!

-Nisah-

My 100th Post Giveaway!

Hey everyone :D

It is 4 in the morning right now as I'm typing this, and boy, am I sleepy!
But it's okay because I'm so excited to finally announce my first ever giveaway on my blog!

To be honest, I really wanted to upload my Miri Haul from yesterday but then it's the 100th post! I can't delay posting this giveaway! I'm so excited and so scared at the same time because I don't know how this works!

I'm going to use a widget to make this easier for me! If you're familiar with Rafflecopter, maybe you can do this well.

You see, this giveaway isn't much to be honest. I've collected things around, making sure I like it before I included it. As this is a tester kind of giveaway, I didn't want to giveaway something very extravagant just yet. I love sharing though :) and picking gifts, making sure it's thoughtful.

If I had the extra money, I would have included more things but I guess for now this is fine. If you've read my post before, then you should know I've taken leave from university and am currently trying to get my health in check. This 30th, I'll finally have my colonoscopy and endoscopy. Not really looking forward to it but it's the only way to know what's really wrong!

Anyway, what I really had in mind for my first giveaway were things I really love, but then I decided that I'll keep that for future giveaways :)

So here are the (very modest) prizes:

100th Post Giveaway Prizes

Here are the prizes!

Plus some samples!

Here are the closeups of the bag and some swatches (minus the eyeliner because I won't swatch them)

This is the case:

Adorable isn't it?

This is what the palette and lipstick look like (these are mine, of course):

L.A Colors in Cafe Au Lait

Baviphat Barbie Pet Magic Girls Lipstick in No.8 (forgot the name)

Here are the swatches from the palette (without a primer) and the lipstick:

Under room light. The far right one is of the lipstick.

This is with the flash from my phone.

The pigmentation of the palette is very good surprisingly. The only shade I don't like is the white one but other than that, it's a good neutral palette :) It's compact and you can easily do touch ups. The sponge tip applicator is very rough by the way. Very different from the Asian sponge tips, which are softer. 

As for the hand cream, I find it necessary to have hand cream everywhere you go! I can't live without hand creams when I go out. I'd feel weird! The hair velcro is cute and fashionable and would help keep your stray hair away from the face when you apply makeup!

Okay, now the thing with the eyeliners...

Blue World :O

These are actually from the set my sister got me. However, I did not use it as I also bought something similar. I can't really say much about them except I know that the black one that I do use, is very pigmented. Blue isn't really my thing for eye makeup either, so maybe you can rock it better?

So, I think that's about it for the giveaway!

I do hope people join it (I know it's not much, but it's a start). This giveaway is in no way sponsored (except partially by my parents I guess)

Do share this giveaway if you want :) If I can get to fifty followers, I can start planning for my hundred followers giveaway :D

Make sure you follow all the rules :) it's not that hard.

EDIT: It's brought to my attention that not a lot of people can see the Terms and Conditions on Rafflecopter, so here are the rules:


This giveaway is not sponsored. Below are the rules for this giveaway:

1) It is open internationally. 

2) Participants must have permission to share their address as I need it to send the prizes (for international entries and participants not from Brunei Muara, unless we can meet up at Bandar). 

3) Winner will be chosen at random. Should the winner not contact me within 48 hours, he or she will forfeit it and a new winner will be selected, also at random.

4) Giveaway hunters would not be entertained. Unfollowing just as soon as the giveaway ends would result in getting blacklisted.

5) Once I reach a hundred followers, a new giveaway would be announced.

My Twitter sucks so I'm not gonna force you to follow that but I'm on Instagram quite a lot so you can see my mini hauls on there easily. Who knows if you can get hints for future giveaways there!

Below is the widget for the Rafflecopter :D

Just in case you don't know, I'll list the compulsory steps:

1) Follow my blog via Google Friend Connect (There's an error in joining this right now, I don't know why but please still try follow the rules once it's fixed? Thank you)

Yes, I joined just to see how it works LOL.

2) Leave a comment on this post
3) Like my music fanpage (NiSA)

Once you've done that, you can earn more entries by following the rest of the steps :) They are not compulsory but it increases your chances of winning that way.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Please, no cheating. I'll be checking! 
Following my blog must be PUBLICLY.
Leaving a comment is a must. 
Liking the music page is a must.

I will disregard your entries if you do not follow the mandatory rules.

Btw, I might even add some more goodies to this :)

Okay, goodnight everyone :)
Take care!!

-Nisah-

P.S: I'll be posting my Miri Haul later, just in case my appointment decides to keep me at the hospital!

Absence, Leave and Medication

Hey :) it's been a while, hasn't it? It's a shame I haven't been blogging because a lot of things have happened between the last time I blogged until today. Or rather, yesterday. As you can see from the title, I'll be talking about all three in this post. Maybe some random things here and there too.

First of all, the last time I blogged was 1st of September. Now it's already the 23rd of October. That's a long time :( I really can't recall most of the things that happened, to be honest.

Ever since that day, I've been going to every single place except for university to get myself in better health. I went back to my psychiatrist to deal with my depression, I went to some religious healers to deal with the spirits that's been bothering me (highlight it if you want to see it) and then I was hospitalized around the 21st of September due to chronic stomach pains. I couldn't take staying at the hospital for a long time so I told them I wanted to be discharged early. I was alone, sad and physically in pain. No one really visited and actually stayed to accompany me for a while. In the end all I could do was read some ebooks.

Ironically enough, I was reading 'My Sister's Keeper', which is about a girl, Anna, who wants to get rights to her own body by bringing her parents to court. It's also about a cancer patient, her sister, Kate. It's an interesting read (if you haven't watched the movie). I haven't finished reading it though.

Since then, I've been going back and forth from private clinics to public hospitals and then back to a private hospital. I felt like Kate. I don't want to rely on medication and hospitals though. Today I met up with a specialist from said private hospital. It was expensive ( u_u ) mom even said that she might need to get me health insurance.

The amount of medicine I have to take multiplied like hell today. You can see on the snapwidget on the left. That's not even the most of it.

....I'm actually suffering one of those abdominal pains as I'm typing right now lol but I shall carry on.

What I've been suffering is: throwing up regularly every time I eat and abdominal pain that comes and goes like hell. It's been nearly 2 months now. I actually lost weight because of this.

Some people may think it's nothing serious. Heck, sometimes, I try to convince myself it's nothing serious but, it's a bit abnormal, don't you think?

Why all of a sudden?
Why now?

I don't know why. Is it related to my depression? To be honest, all the throwing up and stomach pains actually make the depression worse.

It makes me think of a certain someone.
How I wished that person was here with me.

Because sometimes, I feel so suicidal just to convince my family that I need medical help.

You see, I've been having ups and downs just to convince them, to take me to the hospital. My dad doesn't like the hospital much and my mom has been really busy with her work. The thing with my dad is that he gets on my nerves.

Nowadays, I'd rather him not be there when I'm at the hospital or on the way to he hospital. Just because, he stresses me up too much. It's a lovehate relationship. I'm happier when he's not around me when I'm ill. But I like it if we're just going out of dinner with the family and stuff. Shopping and stuff.

But with health stuff: NO THANK YOU.

Mom, as much as I appreciate her being there when she's available, she's getting on my nerves as well. I don't know if it's my hormones going wild or that the pain has made me just irritable, even the way she talks sounds offensive to me.

But either way, I'm just slumped with all these things happening to me.
Sometimes, just sometimes...

...I'd rather die.

It's the kind where it's like, "I don't wanna wake up nor sleep" kind of thing.

Sure, part of the blame is that I'm impatient.

But I've been patient way too much. They kept delaying and delaying going to see the doctor.
See where it's brought me?

To more hospital visits.


The worst thing is I guess, both my depression and my sickness has forced me to stop attending university altogether. I thought it was for the best but sometimes, I think it was a wrong decision. Even resting at home, I get stressed and depressed by my family.

What's home to rest in if it causes you distress instead?


Now, they've started using the reason that I'm not attending university as a means to strip me off of my laptop and stuff.

Seriously, how can I not be stressed and depressed when it's so depressing at home and everywhere I go?

Sometimes I'm surprised I'm still alive.
There were nights, when I wanted to go to the hospital because it hurt so much and they gave a blind eye to it, I contemplated stabbing my stomach BECAUSE it hurt that much.

No amount of tears managed to make them take me to the hospital then.

Thankfully, now I'm getting proper help. Or something similar.

But my family will still try to make me feel bad. With all the medical costs.

If I had the money, of course I'd pay for myself. I would.


Mom even had the nerve of asking if I threw up on purpose D: BEFORE today's appointment. I got so insulted and stressed, my head started hurting. Even until now.

I think I'm having a fever.

I should rest.


I'm really craving for potatoes right now. And sushi.

But I'm afraid of wasting them when I have to throw up.


I hate wasting food and for the last 2 months, I have.


Now I have to deal with medicines. Lots of them. Until my next appointment.

I'm gonna have a colonoscopy and endoscopy to check my intestines and stomach.

Hopefully they'll find out why my abdomen's been hurting and that I've been throwing up everything I eat.



Hopefully all is better soon.

Soon.

Very soon.

Everything will get better.


Physically, mentally and emotionally.
Everything.

Take care, then :)

Goodnight, sweet dreams!

-Nisah-