Fuck March

Disregard yesterday's blogpost because to be honest, it doesn't matter anymore.

No celebrating my birthday in the city I was born in.

No more Japanese Fair for me to volunteer in.

I've lost credibility in professionalism, and I'm no longer in the good graces with the people I was looking forward to work with.

No Sephora.

No cake.

No visiting the hospital I was born in.


I'm forever bound to what my parents decide.



They changed the date to 21st-24th.

I was supposed to be volunteering for the Japanese fair 22nd-24th.

Yes, I understand that there's nothing I can do.

It's RBA's fault for changing the fare.


But it hurts me when they said "Screw the Japanese Fair, family trips are more important."

Since when are trips more important than "work" and getting involved with something you actually enjoy and want to be part of?


I said not to go on the 18th-21st because after they changed the fare, the tickets are now $100 more expensive than the planned one.


I actually thought of my parents spending extra money unnecessarily.


Sure, they thought of me when they wanted to keep that date.

However, spending extra money when it's not needed always upsets me.


I told them I didn't have to go.

I'd rather stay, even though I know, I can't go to the Japanese Fair either since they'd be away.


But I'd rather not go to both than break my obligations to the embassy to enjoy myself on a trip that I didn't plan.


The trip was planned after I signed up to volunteer you see.


So for them to easily disregard it is just sad.



I didn't want a big celebration.
In fact, I don't even want to celebrate it, should it be in Brunei.


Plus, if I don't go, it'd make my sister happier.


Because I wasn't even considered for the trip in the first place.

They only brought me because it was my birthday week.



That's the real reason why I'm upset.


Because they forgot my birthday.


They tried to make it up to me by bringing me to the trip.


And now they changed it all without a single sorry.




I don't know how to get through to them.


I promised my psychiatrist I wouldn't think of suicide or attempt it until I see him next.

But with a family like this, it's a bit hard.

22 in 22 Days~

....actually, 21 days now BUT I realized it was 22 before. I was just too busy to write a post because I was busy drooling all over Marina Diamandis' boobs---
Uh.

Beauty. Voice. Music.

YES.

Stop. I'm not into girls, okay?


...maybe just a bit.

However, I'm as straight as a bendy ruler okay.


ANYWAY!!

This post is actually to well, list out the things I want for my upcoming birthday.
You see, my birthday last year was horrifically the worst.
Okay, maybe I've had worst.

But the best birthday I've had was in 2011.


It was the most perfect day.
For a lot of reasons anyway.

It was a good day.

Anyway, unfortunately, my birthday this year is on a weekday.
Actually, that's good. I think.


However, I'm going to KL during my birthday week :D
Bukit Bintang, more specifically.

Actually, the purpose of going there is for healing.

BUT I'm taking the opportunity to visit the city I was born in 22 years ago ;D

So, there's no need for booking cakes and whatnot. I dunno, what should I do for my birthday?
I really don't know.


But I really wanna drown myself in the sights of makeup, get a nice massage and spa day. Get plastic surgery (YEAH RIGHT), maybe get some clothes~

But honestly, I really don't know what to do actually in KL.

It's been years since I've went there. Last time I went there was in 2004?
And I was sick for the whole trip.

Unless you count a 12 hour transit back in 2008 at KLIA as legit KL, I doubt it LOL.


I really dunno what to do D:

What clothes, what should I bring, what should I not bring???

I don't go on trips abroad that much Dx


Anyway, the only wishlist I have right now is to actually go to Sephora D:
And Tokyo Street?


( =w= ) can I see Cheesie irl? lol.

Love her.

I really don't know, I legit don't know what to expect and what to do.


I don't wanna buy a lot of books I guess. Maybe a CD here and there.

HM.

What DO I want from KL?

I need to think.


Maybe I should visit the hospital I was born at?

What do you think?


OH, if anyone is from KL, do tell me where I should go!

We might be staying near the Pavilion~

So do tell me, I'd appreciate it!


I actually really want a Mr Baker's cake this year too but how???

Ah well.


After my trip, there'd be a Japanese Fair in Times Square too!

Do come :)

Okay then, take care everyone!

I should sleep earlier.
I've been sleeping at 5 now...


-Nisah-

P.S: This is all cancelled. All just a dream.

Yesterday Was A Good Day

Oh, oh? A good day?

Or rather, a good few days. Yes, I'm still sick but meh. If other things can distract me, I don't mind I guess.

I went to the hospital today to fetch my medicines.
I had a visit to my psychiatrist the other day but eh.

Kinda forgot what I said mostly and what he said.
Oops.
I should really start writing these things down because as soon as I'm out of the consultation room, it's bam. I forgot.

But I think it's along the lines of "Don't make big decisions until I see you next week." I think.

HAHAHA.

Anyway, I wore this cutesy get-up to the psychiatrist:

Yes, my hair was wet >_>

I woke up late ( ._. ) so I had to rush to shower and stuff.

My hair is no longer red D: so sad. 

Yes, I look rounder here but lol, I'm at a normal weight now for my height :O I've always been overweight so I'm like wtf-ing.

My dad doesn't seem happy that I am thinner now though lol. For whatever reason.

I think I might dye my hair again during my birthday. To the same shade of red because it suits me so well imo. LOL.

I dunno, it just makes me seem more like an 'artist'.

What I'm wearing. I effin' love this. It's so pigmented. UGHHH a light hand cannot save me. LOL. Dad got me this. 

Had to get new frames because mine broke.

The new frames are scaring me. It looks and feels so fragile. ARGH.

This is gonna expire soon.

I need to spend another BND40 to get a new membership card but to be honest, SkinFood never has any sales that make it worth it to own the discount card. BLARGH. It expires March 5th.

This was my look for the hospital visit. Or rather, medicine retrieving journey.

I honestly rarely wear a tudong nowadays so yeah, just a random day.

Was trying out a new fashion lol. It looked funny but eh.

Sorry it's blurry :x

My brows D: I hate them.

I should really start contouring my nose. It's really bulbous.

Maybe because I've been eating too much chocolate.

Been snacking on these babies.

Guilty pleasure.

Really.

Losing weight but eating so much sweet food.

Lol sorry.

It's doing bad to my skin :x

After getting home from my short shopping trip (for cats), I was craving for Excapade so I decided to convince le dad and le mom to go.

Not only that but my parents decide to bring me and my sis for a trip to KL :D

ON MY BIRTHDAY WEEK.

SCOREEEEE :D

OH SEPHORA HERE I COME.

GDI.

SEPHORAAAAA.

So, yeah, decided to vain in parents' room.

Round face still round. But peace y'all.

Tee-hee.

I was wearing theBalm's primer, The Skin Shop's Premium Secret BB Cream, three different concealers (LOL yes), and theBalm's translucent powder on the face. On the eyes, I used theBalm's 'Base Hit Kit' Creaseless Cream Shadow, MUA 'Heaven and Earth Palette' and Holika Holika brown eyeliner. For the lips, I was wearing the suede lipstick and muted down with a nude lippy from essence.

....not that you can see any of it. Oopsie.

So yeah, went to Times Square to eat dinner~
Took one photo of me and mom.

Both rounded faces but I don't look like her, do I?

No, I look more like my dad.

I didn't eat much LOL.

I only ordered three things:

Tamago sushi, Okonomiyaki and then Inari Ebiko.

Oh wait, I also ordered Tofu Soup.

I'm trying to make eating the ginger a habit.

I find the okonomiyaki so cute :D

It looks like a real pizza.

OKONOMIYAKI!

After that, I kinda went to SkinFood to deliberate whether or not I should renew my member card...HM.

But alas, I ran to Etude House in the end and got these:

The nailpolish is brown btw lol

If only my skintone was lighter~ a lot of eyeshadows would suit my eyes I think.

So yeah, to sum things up:

Yesterday was a good day :)

OH, and last but not least~

My blog surpassed 20k views :D

I kinda had to stalk my blog >_>

20,000!!

( ;w; ) Thank You!

My next giveaway would be when I reach 50k.

But I'll have a small giveaway/birthday giveaway in March :D

I also sent the prize mails finally yesterday ( ;w; )

I hope it reaches the winners safely.


It's very late, so, uh, good rest?

Take care!

-Nisah-

P.S: Oh, and I wrote some draft lyrics :)

For my ex-love.

It's actually a decent song lol.

Writing songs....always come when everyone else is already asleep. Sigh.

Last Resort

I spent 5 hours or so at the hospital today. I've been experiencing these weird breathlessness, numbness and near collapse for 8 days, enough was enough. I needed to get checked.

The thing about me and pain is that, I get pretty restless and easily get angry. When the fuse short-circuits, my mouth stops thinking and starts spouting hurtful things which I may or may not mean. Think of it as like when you get drunk (which I don't) and you start just saying things, or doing things you don't necessarily mean.

Anyway, fuse broke, all hell broke loose too.

I don't actually know what or where these hateful things come from but maybe my body realizes I've done my part in patience. 8 days of pain is quite patient.

So yeah, when we reached the hospital, I realized that my body was starting to get paralyzed. I had to take a seat, slowly realizing that I was losing feeling in parts of my body. I tried to breathe as steadily as possible but heck, it was hard.

It starts from the chest, slowly and slowly moving toward the rest of my body. My bro got me a wheelchair but that didn't help. My mom and brother were still pissed off at the hurtful things I said so like, they didn't even bother to tell the nurse or doctor in charge that I was having difficulty in breathing.

My mouth was also becoming numb but thank goodness I could still talk. I could barely move my hands, but I had to force myself to. Because my mom was ignoring me, so I tried to call my dad or some friends.

Basically nobody paid heed that I wasn't able to breathe or move my limbs well.

I was crying too.

As it got worser, I just fucking cried.

Nobody was giving me oxygen.

I even had to call my mom through my phone >_>
That was how desperate I was.

I was beyond pissed at that time.


By the time it reached my turn, I was already close to paralysis. Okay, maybe that's too much, maybe very strong numbness. I couldn't even move my hands. There was barely any oxygen in my limbs I think.

My mom had to manually help me grip my hands.

Ugh.

Even thinking about it is horrible.



Well after the blood pressure, temperature check and whatnot. I heard the nurse say, "Go to the Emergency"

By that time, my eyes were closed like hell.
From tears and from the strong headache I was experiencing.

Hell, even when I'm typing this, my head hurts >_>

So yeah, I don't remember much really, but to sum it up, I was ECG-ed, got blood drawn, TWICE. Once for normal blood, the other was on the vein on the wrist? Is that what it's called? You know, when you cut your wrist and you die? Yeah, there.

THAT was painful. Still is. I'm like, 'ow, ow, ow'-ing as I type.

Twice, on one arm. Once on top, once on the wrist. OW.

The vein was a first. I was so close to hitting someone as they took the sample.

Sigh.

And then lastly was the X-Ray.

After all that painful, bothersome thing...

The doctor came with the news:

"All is normal"

What.

What.

What.

Actually, it was my mom who told me the news.

I just broke down.

That time, I was really like, defeated?

I guess that's how I felt. DEFEATED.

I turned to my mom: "Mom, if it's like this, if they can't find anything, what's causing it then? Is my body just making it up? What's wrong with me? WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME???"

"We've already tried religious healing, doctors, medicine....what more can we do?"

My hands were so pale and my nails were blue.

Even the nurse had to ask me if I was wearing nailpolish or what.

I was so delirious, I had to check my nails if I was wearing nailpolish.

I wasn't.

I've always had bluish nails, you see. It's always so blue that I'm still on the lookout for a nail spa or something that'll whiten it.

Unfortunately, it's the nature of my nails.

I actually begged my mom to kill me.

Then apparently I started spouting nonsense again.

I was so shook up, I think my blood pressure went up.

The doctor asked me if I wanted to stay for a night, or go home.

Considering that there was nothing wrong, I decided to leave.

I thought there's only one last resort that I haven't tried:

Snake Blood.

Or any traditional medication.

Chinese, Hindu, Japanese, Thai, etc.

ANYTHING traditional.

Acupuncture, bekam, oil on the forehead, etc.

Anything really.

Even the nurse said it won't hurt to try.

Apparently my hands are very cold.

Which is funny because first time my ex held my hand, his comment was: Your hands are so warm.

Which I find very funny.

Because I know I have cold hands.

I've always had it.

So yeah.

I might add to this later.

But that's it.

I'm done with modern medicine.

But still, the on-call doctor and nurse were very nice ):

Very, very nice.

Maybe I should have stayed there but eh.

I should sleep. My head hurts.

Take care I guess.

Good night.

-Nisah-

Yes, I Did Overdose.

*If you don't like morbid posts, skip this*

After months, more than a year since my last overdose, I overdosed again last Saturday, it was the  8th of February. It is now the 21st of February. How many days has it been?

2 weeks.

14 days.

Many hours, minutes, seconds have passed.

Did I get rushed to the ER like last time?
No. I did not.

Because on that day, I really wanted to die.

I took 10 tablets of 100mg of my medication. Took them, and cried. Again, I took 1000mg of my anti-depressants. Last time I consumed 20 tablets.

After it settled in my stomach, I just stared the palm I used to try kill myself.
And slowly, it dawned to me that I did it again.


I did it around 5pm that day, or earlier, because after that I took a long shower and washed away all my tears. Pretending as if everything was okay, I went ahead and fed my cats. After that was done, I went to my room, turned off the lights, wrote a note and dozed off to sleep.

I think I was really mean that day.

I said goodbye to some of my friends while keeping my family out of the loop.


For the first time I really thought I was gonna die.

I got knocked out after a few minutes.


I thought that after I have fallen asleep, I won't wake up anymore.

Honestly, I procrastinated from doing it for 2 days.

But for a reason, on that day, I didn't care anymore.


I really thought I was gonna die.


But alas, Death decided to punish me instead.


I remember my mom coming to my room while I was half-asleep, she didn't suspect anything. I remember that there was a family event that night. A birthday.

I, of course, did not go.

Telling her that I was dizzy, I just stayed in bed.


I forgot what really happened, but in the end, my friend told me to tell my mom.

She came to my room, after I called her, and pointed to the tablets on my table. I refused to say anything.

And she just asked me "Why?"

"If you really want to die I won't stop you. But I'm praying that you live."


Well, darn it. I did.


Around 4-5am, I kind of heard someone come into my room. It was my mom (I asked her in the morning), checking up on me to see if I died.


Well, screw it.

I fucking failed.



I felt kind of disappointed that I didn't die. Apparently, it's not my time yet.



I didn't go see a doctor. I refused to.

I thought I was fine, that I'll just let the medicine just leave my body in a few days.

But now, it's obvious that something is not right.


For a week, I've been experiencing very bad headaches, erratic heartbeat that leads to difficulty in breathing, even right now, as I'm typing, it is with great difficulty.

The weirdest thing I noticed is that it starts around the same time, every single day.

Around 4-5pm, I'll start getting dizzy spells that put pressure on my head, oxygen would get knocked out of my system for a few seconds, I feel suffocated.

Even now.

And something's wrong with my throat too.

I get hot and cold spells. At first I thought that it was normal.
But it's lasting a while.


On the day I took Shyla to the vet, I collapsed right in front of the vet.

Everything around me was spinning and I dropped down on the road next to the car.
I felt as if something heavy was dropped on me.


Something took my breath away.


For that moment I thought I was gonna die.


Mom then decided that after taking Shyla to the vet, I should get a check-up too.

There were a lot of patients that day.

When it came to my turn, it was the doctor I'm used to seeing. I broke down and told her the truth. She knows that I've been struggling with stress, depression and even stomach problems.

I really did not want to see her.

Because I knew that no medicine would work.

She gave me some meds to fight the nausea and dizziness but none of them worked.



I actually feel like throwing up right now.


I'm so dizzy and I can barely breathe.


I doubt doctors would want to help me now since it was my own choice to destroy my body.

I don't know what actually happened to my stomach, but it hurts more than usual.

I lost 2kg in a week (gaining it back though but I'm frequently throwing up still)


.....really, I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

Should I just let it be?

Isn't that the same like suicide?



I can't think straight, you see.


My mood swings are even worst now.


Some days I can barely wake up.


Waking up, I feel like it's another death sentence.

Around 5pm, I'll get the same symptoms.

Until I fall asleep, it'll stay.


Nothing can make it go away.

Nothing can.


I'm getting sick of being sick.


I really want to throw up right now.




So dizzy.





Even if I didn't die, I'm dead inside. Dying inside literally too.

I feel as if my stomach is breaking down.

I don't know.


My brain, too.

I know.


The chemicals aren't stable now, are they?



What's gonna happen to me?

I don't know.



I just can't breathe right now.

Plus my hair is falling in large clumps now.


-Nisah-

Business Woman? Hell no.

I'm serious lol.

I'm not in any way interested in being a business woman.
However, I AM selling some nice hair chalk/pastels (local only though, sorry!!)

1 COLOUR FOR 80 CENTS!!

Although....Why I bother selling a black one I dunno.

No. 21 is not available as *cough* I took it~

It's Tiffany Blue!!

AVAILABLE:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 17, 19, 20, 23, 24

I'm not really making much profit from selling it at 80 cents but eh XD Business is not my forte.

However, if people are interested in buying a box, I might order some more.

I'm selling one box for BND17 (not in stock right now though, don't wanna order unless people are interested anyway). I already sold a box to a friend lol.

I tried one out and hell, it's good lol.

I'm gonna order one for my own use :)

For drawing I guess XD

If you don't use it for your hair, use it for your art!

I compared this to the WW Mart one, this one wins hands down :D

This is more well, pigmented and less waxy than the WW Mart.

If you don't know how to use this, I'll put up a 'tutorial' on how to.

But I just dyed my hair red so eh.

I dunno.

Although it IS fading fast XD;

Fading after a few days. FML.

This shade of red is pretty though :) it's more pinkish red/auburn red I guess.

Maybe I should go ahead and buy some red hair chalk for my hair.

But the bad thing about chalking is that your hair would look dry. And WILL be dry.

So, I think I'd rather dye.

SO PUNNY!!

Anyway, if interested, leave me a comment :)

Meeting point is only somewhere close lol.
Giant Rimba or somewhere.

UBD?

Anyway, my health is deteriorating again.
Fergh.


Hopefully I'll live long enough to sell these babies XD


Take care and don't be like me~

-Nisah-

Happy Forever Alone Day :D

Or rather, as I'd like to call it: "Chocolate Day"

I'm sorry to those I've worried for a few days :x I was a bit reckless and scared.
I hope I'll be fine from now on.
Need to not just hope but be sure of it.

I'm hoping to mail out the prizes this Saturday~ if it all goes to plan.

I kinda hurt my neck from my bad DIY dye job today.

From the front it looks FABULOUS:

From the front. Onleh.

From the back, it's a mix of all disasters.

My mom and sis says it's okay but LIES.

LOL.

I'll just show it because it's funny:

It's like a line of fail.

It's still pretty much orange-brown at the back I think. At the front it's pretty much red. And some parts are actually dyed like hell it actually matches my burgundy wig ( OAO )

I didn't even leave the dye that long this time.

Or maybe that's why it's so uneven.

Btw, this is the cream type of dye, not the foam one.

Nobody wants to help me dye my hair :<

But maybe since I fucked it up so much, my mom might help lol.

Or I shall go to the salon because I really love the colour of this D:

So yeah, did I receive any chocolates today?

Yes.

In fact, I did.

From my dad.

Joy.

Oh, oh!! I found another Calico cat while we're out for dinner before D: it was soooo cute D: and very clean considering it's a stray cat!

Shyni or Fila. Geddit? LOL

What's with me and tri-coloured fur cats D:

They're just so adorable D:

Oh, lol, another funny thing.

I decided to drop by this music store around the area...

I was looking for a nice acoustic guitar for my birthday~

I wanted one with a small body.

So yeah, so the guy in the shop decided to ask me and my sis what we wanted. LOL.

There was an embarrassing moment for me where I actually "eek-ed" when he asked us to go into the room with more expensive stuff.

I thought he asked us to play LOL.

But then I got scared also because I was surrounded by expensive guitars XD

And then I blurted out, "Uh, this isn't what I want" referring to the electric guitars.

"I want an acoustic guitar"

And so he showed us some stuff.

I asked him about the small guitar, it was a classical guitar, with the three nylon strings.

But he said it's not that good lol.

Then he pulled out a better guitar, sat down and played.

Me and my sis were awed until he started singing.

( =A= ) I nearly commented that it was bad LOL.

He asked us if we knew the song, he said it was One Direction. I think it was 'Little Things' but he said it like it was 'One Little Thing' *shrug*

Anyway, I joked to my sis that he serenaded us because I looked cute in my new hair XDDD

"Oh, that's why he sang. It's Valentine's today!!"

I told him I really wanted a small bodied acoustic and he commented, "A small guitar for your small body."

Or something like that.

I'm like what.

LOL

He thought we were gonna buy something but I said I wanted one for my birthday.

I said it's in March.

"Just 15 more days then!" he said.

And then I said "Plus 20"

"Oh so you're born March 20th then?"

And I nodded.

I told him that we'll think about it and left lol.

Was he flirting?
I'm really dense with these things XD

And then after dinner we went to Soon Lee and bought some stuff. By stuff, I mean cat food.

After that we went to Little M and I got my nephew a small Hachune Miku doll.

He's always wanted one.

Ignore why I decided to take a photo of me and the doll.

It's because it's my 500th photo on Instagram :D

Plus my hair looked awesome LOL

Even though I did something stupid last week, I think today wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be.

Happy Forever Alone Day!

Or Chocolate Day :D

Actually, I'm writing this 30 minutes into the end of it in my country though!

But who cares!!

Take care, if you're with your loved one, lucky you!

If you're not, it's okay :D dye your hair, clean your room!

Good night!

-Nisah-

Goodbye.

I just saw my psychiatrist today.


He said I was doing fine.

But right now, I realized that I'm not.



I realized that I'm alone.


I said that I don't need anyone.

When in fact, I need someone.


I have Shyla, I also have Fini.



But I'm alone.


I'm all alone.



I have enough to overdose again.

No one will miss me if I do.


In the end I'll just be a fragment of a memory.


Or maybe I won't be remembered at all.


I just want to erase my existence.



It hurts.

Everything hurts.



I don't want to live anymore.


I'm so tired of it.

I honestly have no faith in humanity and life anymore.



I just don't.

I have no one to wipe off my tears, just a shaky finger that wants to stop.



I just don't want to live anymore.


I'm so tired of being patient and trying.





....just so tired of it all.

Wow, February...Just WOW.

Okay, here's the deal.

You see, my experiences with online shopping has been 90% pleasant. 

10% is missing. You wonder why? 

It's because of my brother's lack of responsibility in asking for a refund for a product that was lost in the mail. This was last year, FEBRUARY, too.

I still want to believe it'll magically appear one day, this year. But pssh, that's just an empty dream.

Anyway, due to me having university now, the only person I can rely on to pick up some parcels is my dad. He's a sweetheart for doing that. Really, for this matter, I can't blame him at all. So today, as usual, he picked up a parcel for me while I attended uni.

Me and my sis were anticipating this one parcel for the longest time. It was my first time ordering from this place, they packed everything very fast. We waited. They sent it on the 20th of January. It arrived on the 4th of February. Or so they want us to believe. 'They', here, refers to the Post Office.

And so, my dad came home, he brought the parcel. It was opened, as to be expected, since we have to open them in front of the Customs at the Post Office. However, when I pulled the stuff out, we realized, me and my sister, that this parcel doesn't seem right.

"Dad, how come there's only two dresses? Where are the necklaces?" I asked, my sis frantically looking for her necklaces.

"What?! I didn't know that. When they handed it to me, it was already open."

Everything just died down around me.

The parcel, was opened.

The parcel....was OPENED.

I asked my dad again. Surely there's a mistake right??

"...are you sure? Did they say they received it like this?" I asked him, voice getting louder.

"When they gave it to me, I asked them 'Why is this parcel opened?', but they just ignored me." He explained.

I looked at my sister, rage just boiled.

THIS. MEANS. WAR.

I ran up to my room, took out my laptop, loaded the website I ordered from and opened live chat customer service.

I wanted to know, I needed to know if they sent it all in one parcel.

After a while of chatting, we found out that they only delivered one parcel. Everything was sent already.

We told them the parcel was prematurely opened.

We could not find the necklaces, and some of the accessories from my costume dress was missing.

They told us to take photos, we did. And then we were referred to a person under Customer Tech.

After a while of checking, they reaffirmed that they sent it all in one parcel. The person even told us to check the pockets, but trust me, I looked. I burned HOLES into the parcel with my eyes.

There was nothing.

Nothing at all.

Out of the 8 items, 6 were missing.

The thing with this is that the parcel ACTUALLY arrived, it got to my hands but items were missing.

It was not missing, whatsoever.

They told us to take photos, and after a while, they concluded that someone must have opened my parcel and took some things.

I then turned to talk to my father again, and he explained to me that the person in charge of giving us the parcels actually KNEW the parcel was opened.

How?

Because before he handed it to my dad, one of the dresses slipped out and he put it back in.

He PUT it back in.

He must have been blind or super oblivious.

He did not even explain to my dad what happened.

Whether it was received like that or someone who's a kleptomaniac who happens to work in the Post Office decided to pry the parcel open and take these things out.

Seriously, don't they take oaths or something?

The thing is, it might even be cargo people. Heck, it might even be outside post offices' job BUT tell me why, Brunei Post Office...

WHY did you not say anything about the fucking prematurely opened parcel???

WHY????

MY DAD FUCKING ASKED AND YOU IGNORED HIM.

I was so outraged.

I ranted. Of course I ranted.

Then I found out that the Bandar Post Office does that often. They would often open our parcels without our permission. So, do they re-seal the parcels then? Because all this time, none of my parcels were ever opened. Ever.

We were given the choice of opening the package in front of the Customs Officers.

I asked my brother and found out that the Post Office would only open packages or parcels that they are allowed to, like supplements, medicines and whatnot.

So whose grubby hands opened my parcel?

It's supposed to contain 2 dresses and 6 necklaces.

Are they medication? Uh, no?

Are these necklaces against the religion and country? Uh, no?

I see these necklaces sold at local shops for a lot more.

So WHERE did the necklaces go?

WHERE?

At the end of it all, I decided to write an e-mail to the newspaper.

I hope it gets published.

I feel unsafe.

Where's the trust? Where's the responsibility?

And I have to rely on this postal system to send out my prize mails?? Heck no.

This turns me off to hold international giveaways.

Maybe I can have them in the form of giftcards instead >_>

Either way, I'll try post out the prizes soon.

AND pray that the grubby kleptomaniacs won't take them and send empty parcels to the winners of my last giveaway.

SIGH.

Take care, everyone.

Sleep well.

-Nisah-

February. Mostly a rant.

( '_____' )

Hey.
It's February.

Anything significant? Not much. Well, not really I guess.
If you guys paid attention, all winners have responded to me.

I will mail the prizes as soon as I can. God, I hope they have no restrictions to what countries I'm sending them to. And I hope it's not too expensive, if not, I'll have to limit my giveaways a bit ><;

I love holding them, I really do.
Well, sorting out the entries wasn't my favourite part I guess.

Not everyone's I guess. Haha.

That was dry.


I am in no mood to blog, but I just wanna...uh, "welcome" the new month?

I don't like February...it brings a lot of memories.
Good ones, actually, but I shouldn't view them that way.

So....well, university workload is finally piling up D:

I hate reading now. It's so funny. I used to read for fun. Now it's a chore.

And my subjects mostly involve reading. HELLO. I'm a literature student. If I don't read, I don't qualify D:

I need drive and I lack that right now.
I want to be in charge of my life, sure, it's a bit hard to be in control, unless you're a born leader or a...control freak.

Or you're born confident. Me? Confident?

Heck---yes? No?

It depends.

In class, sure, I'm the one who talks a lot but I don't talk empty. And when I mean talk, I mean participate in discussions. I CAN'T BEAR HAVING A QUIET CLASS.

Well, excuse me for wanting to make things lively but hey, at least I'm not talking crap.

I actually DO ask legit questions and stuff.

Especially to things I really don't know the answer to on my own.

...and that includes 'love'.

Haha, no, no talk about those things.

What is love? Bullcrap.

Love does not exist. It blinds you.
It binds you to someone who leaves you.

That's so pessimistic of me, no?

Oh, shush, I'm so optimistic about it that I need to calm down and stop writing about it.

I've only had ONE boyfriend and ONE ex.

That's it.

That sums it up, no?

Do I want a new one?

No.

I'm happy with my cats.

Call me a cat lady but my cats sure as hell make me happy and occupy me. Sure, they can only meow and need their litter boxes cleaned daily, and they can't really feed themselves but they're cute and cuddly and warm.

A cat is a baby that never grows up.
And has fur.

And stays with baby talk forever.


I did an impromptu photoshoot yesterday.
Didn't get much photos but I did manage to snap a pic of me actually smiling.

A forced smile, can you tell?

With my crooked front tooth. Didn't bother to edit the skin. And by edit, I mean airbrush. I think my makeup or lack of proper one (sheer BB Cream coverage with concealer and powder, lack of shadows and lack of proper eyeliner), still managed to cover my flaws okay. You can see my skin isn't perfect but eh. It passes.

With makeup.

On my lips I used Etude House products, the lipliner and a lipgloss.

I spent most of my time wearing the wig and the lenses. I hate these lenses, it hurts my eye. My right one, only. It could be damaged but I dunno.

This is my February 1st look. LOL.

Would I dye my hair this colour? Maybe. One day.

It'd be too high maintenance.

I wish I had naturally grey eyes.

Ah well.

Oh, and the hand?

It was to cover this weird zit. More like a carbuncle D: NO.

UGH. I hate those things. Maybe I've been eating too many sweet things. Probably.

I only want sweet things.


Sweet things are nice.


What's in store for February?

Hell.

Or not.

We'll see.

In the meantime, I should be reading 'Sense and Sensibility' today because tomorrow, I'd be super busy.

Ah well.

Have a great February I guess :)


Take care, everyone.

-Nisah-