The Little Things

Individuality.
It's a word people misuse sometimes. No one is really one-of-a-kind nowadays.
Can we really still be original?

Everyone wants to emulate someone.
Everyone wants to copy someone.
Everyone wants to say they're inspired by a certain someone.

That someone may be their idol, just someone they look up to or someone they wish they could be.

As for me?
I have my fair share of idols.

Utada Hikaru
Amano Tsuki/ko
Alice Nine
Sakamoto Miu
Ayumi Hamasaki
Koda Kumi
Otsuka Ai
The Corrs
Florence + The Machine
Pixie Lott
Marina and The Diamonds
Lily Allen
Lana Del Rey
Late Night Alumni

....and the list goes on.

But do I wanna copy them? Not really.

If anything, musically, I wanna be like them. Make music like them.
Make wonderful music that makes people happy.

I managed to, last night. Somehow.
One of my friends. With my cover of Hikki's 'Heart Station'.

That makes me happy to know I can make someone happy with just my voice.

I haven't been happy myself nowadays, but I've been feeling a lot better.
Better enough to record again.

I would love to be able to draw again. Pick up my pencil, paintbrush or my tablet.

To draw again.

To pick up a thick novel and read again.

To enjoy the little things I used to love.
Used to enjoy.

I keep having flashbacks of when I was back in Japan.

Just the little things.

Like when I sang in the background for a play.
Like when I was on the stage during School Festival.
When I performed for Music Club.
Singing alone in karaoke places.
When I take showers.
When I walk to school.

To me, the little things we have as memories, that flashes in front of us...
When we close our eyes, when we are alone in the dark.

To me, that's what makes us individuals.

Experiences only we experience.
Memories only we have.
Only we understand them.


These little things, like the feel of someone's heartbeat against your own.
Their warmth, their fear, their sincerity.

Just a moment's understanding that nothing else matters except:

What you feel. What you see. What you hear. What you taste.

These little things make us individuals.

Not the superficial things like fashion, hair colour, nail colour, etc.

People remember you for who you are. Not how you look like.

People may remember me as the person who's always depressed.
Always suicidal.
Always giving up easily when things get rough.
Someone who can't control her emotions well.

People forget how I would do something to please them despite how shitty I feel.
To make someone feel happy, despite me not feeling the same way.


To try forget how bad I feel so I can make someone else happy.

Does that mean I'm a kiss-ass? On the contrary, no.
It's because I hope it makes you happy, I do something. Despite not feeling like doing anything.


These little things I do for other people.
They always forget.


Maybe that's why I always get taken advantage of.

I'm a nice person.
But I can be your worst enemy if I wanted to too.

But I don't want to.


Because I don't want to be that person.
A selfish, self-absorbed person.

I have my pride, my ego.
It's hard for me to say 'sorry'. It's hard for me to say 'thank you'.

But I do it. Because I don't want to be 'that person'.

I hate hypocrites. I don't want to be one.
I won't agree if you try to make me something I'm not.


I hate people who don't keep their promises too.
Empty promises.


I used to be a liar when I was a child. I admit that.
Because I used to want to please friends.

Then I grew up and realized that...

Trying to make yourself look better won't gain you friends.

I haven't lied in a while. Even a white lie, I'm reluctant about.


Maybe there's no reason to lie.
I have nothing to hide.

I'm a suicidal person who's depressed, I like food, I like pretty things. I wished I was thin. I have exotropia. I have chronic stomach pains since I was small. I battled acne like hell earlier this year. I have a fear of heights, I hate crowded places. I have agoraphobia (Thanks Tea). I'm scared of spiders and geckos. I have a very sensitive nose. I hate hypocrites.

.....and so and so. lol.


I like some kind of freedom in studying. I hate rules and regulations that don't make sense.


So yeah, little things.

It ended up becoming sort of a ramble-like post.

Sorry.

So yeah, to sum it up.

To me, individuality means the little things only you know.
Your own little secret.


Your own little safe haven of memories and comfort.


Goodnight, everyone :)

Take care.
Stay safe.

-Nisah-