So Many Ideas...

...but no one to help realise them.

Mostly it's to do with music.
I have so many draft vocal tunes, lyrics and ideas for the music...

I just don't have the resources to help make them come true.
Actually, I do. But only for a certain genre of music.

I want something for everything. In fact, if anything, I WANT to be the one who makes the music. I think I can do it, but maybe I'm just talentless in that area.

Composing, I mean.

Believe it or not, I have problems with rhythms. I can't really dance, btw. I think that's why, too.

Last year, a stroke of genius time came for me, around August.
Then it all stopped.

Plus, when I turned to use my Macbook, I don't get to use my FL Studio very much.

It's funny, because technically, I have everything to make something simple. My midi cable's here, pop filter's here, I have an electric and acoustic guitar and a freakin' keyboard.

I never believed in the "Buy all the instruments, can get all the nice things" thing. What's the point of buying this and that if you don't learn how to use it right?

Heck, I'm trying my best to play acoustic guitar.
I even cried.

Because even when I'm alone, I'm embarrassed at how awful I am at it.
Same goes with keyboard, and don't get me started on the electric guitar.


I feel ashamed that I can't play them.


My doctor asked me: Why do you have such a high expectation of yourself?

WELL I DON'T KNOW!

Because I grew up never having to work hard in studies?
That I thought my voice was given by God? Well, to a degree.

That my skills in writing or drawing...or what used to be them, was just there, an innate ability.


All that was left for me to do was enhance them. Practice this, practice that.


But with guitars and keyboards, I guess...I expected it to be innate too.
Lazy me, I think I want to believe that.

I SO want to believe that.


Sometimes I feel like I'm just sitting in a dark room, surrounded with these instruments, my books, my art supplies and my laptop....and I'm just sitting, in a fetal position, staring into the dark.


...and as time goes by, these things move away more from me.


I could only stare at them as they go.


They left me all alone.





It's pathetic of me to rely only on things I'm born with.
But I believe in that thing where I shouldn't venture onto things I'm sure I have no talent in.


I'm not deaf.
I know when I sound good, or when I sound horrible.


I trained my ears for that.

When I play the instruments, it's like...just horrible things.

My sister had to endure my guitar practices and boy, does she endure them.



It's funny how I just said I relied on things I'm born with when I actually trained my ears.
But then again, I trained them on my own.

I need vocal training, heck yes, I do.

In fact I think I kinda effed up my vocals due to singing when I'm sick.
It happens.


Maybe I'd need vocal rehabilitation eventually.


And maybe I should take up some guitar classes and shit.


Because the only thing I know I'll never give up on is my childhood dream to sing.

Even when everything is as dark as well, dark things.


Like right now. When everything seems dead.


I realised that I can make it better by singing. No matter how broken, how pathetic I sound.
As long as I can sing, as long as I think people want me to sing.


I'll sing.



Or not.

It depends.
Haha.


Bleh.


Well, this song cheered me up:

( 'w' ) it really did.

Take care everyone!
I've been forgetting a lot of things.

-Nisah-

P.S: I really wanna be a guy, y'know.

I didn't really contour my nose for this pic >_>;

That day will come.

I'm Back :O + Animating~

What a coincidence!

I was just telling someone my net was down and ba-boom! It's back!
Although I really don't wanna jinx it :x

Shhhhh.


I don't wanna make the net angry at us again.
Actually it was our phone line. We didn't bother to check it lol. So sad.


What have I been doing these last few days...?
Nothing much. I think.

However today, or rather, yesterday, I decided to start animating my first single.

As much as I wanted it to be released on my birthday (this coming Wednesday), my producer still wants the Japanese lyrics checked. Pssh. Yeah, yeah. Afraid we'll offend the Japanese.


( =A= ) it's just a sad love song.


So yeah, getting back to the whole animating thing.
You see, I used to draw a lot. I used to dream of making something out of it.

Today, out of nowhere, out of sheer determination, I managed to draw a few frames (simple ones) and made it move~


Having said that, you might think: "Oh, aren't you an art student? Didn't you learn that?"

Well, no, not really.
I'm still learning (kinda, partially, well, maybe) Painting 1. A basic module.


So, yeah....

I'm doing the animation manually.


I asked my friend who did the animation for  Muchuu...and she told me that she used AfterEffects.

Oh man.

I haven't learned that!


But yeah, I gotta say, when I first made it move (I know, I know, you can make gifs to make it move too but I don't know how to make gifs!), I gotta say, some tears came out.

This is because well, I have been "dead" for a while and I finally made something worthwhile again.


Animating my own PV? Why not.

I'm just an independent artist.
I have no budget for a proper video and I'm a lousy actress (even posing is hard during photoshoots) and people I work with also don't have the time.


So yeah, animation was in my head.

I'd like to show you a snippet but I'm scared my producer might kill me
( =A= ; ) I know you're reading so shhhh.


When it comes out, I'll share :D


I've only done 13-14 frames and am only happy with 7 of them. So I'll have to re-do the rest >_>;

Having sucked at Physics and Maths, animation was the last thing for me to do.


I also haven't been drawing on my tablet for a long time so I was surprised :D

I guess when you have determination, everything can work out.


Here's the first frame of it:

Is that me? Uh, let's say it "represents" me. LOL

I guess this will slightly be a roller-coaster ride. Emotionally.

It's so personal, so raw, so....lazy.

iMovie's a bitch to use, you know.

So yeah, hopefully I'll learn AfterEffects one day. Since the song itself is 4 minutes something...and 23 seconds of stuff already took 14 frames....and I have to scrap half of that...

*head hurts too much to do the math*

But yeah, hopefully I won't lose motivation for this!

Wish me luck!

Take care!

-Nisah-

P.S: Btw, I'm one of the bloggers featured on wengie.com !! It's on this post ! :D wheee. Through that post I also found some blogs I know I'd be interested in reading from!

I personally love blogs with great reviews (on Asian products) and great photos and swatches. Even though my blog's not as good on those areas, I'm inspired by reading them XD

I wished I was more crafty~

I really wanna learn website and graphic design stuff!

Perks of March + New Live Cover!

Yes, yes, I know.

The other day I was like 'Eff March!'
And now I'm like Perks of March???

But yeah, I think about how childish I was >_>; I can be childish I guess.
Well, it's hormones okay? I think I have imbalanced hormones D:

It's not my fault my March was ruined last year D:
I'm just afraid this March would suck too, okay??

So yeah, anyway~
I wanted to go to Yayasan last night, my main reason was to go to Holika-Holika and browse for some guitar accessories. Well, that WAS the plan.

But before that, while I was getting ready, Shyla, the cat that owns me decided to molest Macky again :/

Yesh, I was replying MUA.

What's with cats and technology??

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS"

Seriously, she erased my reply to MUA. LOL.

Thank God for Command + Z~ (or something)

Anyway~ I decided to try emulate Marina's makeup for the night~

Primadonna/HTBAH Inspired Look I guess

I decided to draw a beauty mark instead of the heart when I went out but when I decide to record, I painted the heart on my cheek XD

I wore a plaited dress, black tights and a grey....outer clothing of sorts.
Forgot to take a photo, sorry D:
I decided to wear my highest wedged shoes.

Bad choice.

We decided to eat out. I had Korean of course. Harhar.
And a weird looking cinnamon roll.
With Mint Milk Shake? Or something minty.

I dunno the name D: it has some Korean Rice Noodles, gyoza and chicken patties. I do not like the rice texture D: 

This was yummy but I guess too much ice?

For a dollar, not bad :O

The food was gooooood.

XD I didn't throw up for once!

After dinner, I decided to go to The Face Shop.

To get my birthday vouchers and a gift.

Well, unfortunately my name wasn't listed :/ That's why they didn't text me!

But that's okay lol.

I still got my birthday perk!

I bought 2 face masks and a hair serum. For the birthday pack gift, I got two face masks too LOL and a tiny sample of the Rice Cleanser Foam.

So, I migrated to Holika-Holika, greeted Sharon XD and browsed.

Too bad they didn't have the birthday gift ready!

HMPH.

But yeah, I got one gold eyeliner (it's soooo pretty and creamy), one jumbo eye pencil in this beautiful green and two face masks, again LOL. This time I got some samples :p

I gave one facemask to my sis XD

Since we were waiting for my brother and sister, I decided to browse around at Holika Holika while my parents talked with Sharon.

Sharon didn't recognize me D:

She turned to my mom asking where "the daughter who loves makeup was" and I was like, "I'm right here...."

"EHHH?? Really? You look different bah!"

"Dyed your hair kah? Last time your hair was black!"

"You're looking more Korean now."

Which I countered with, "I'm actually aiming for a Japanese look." LOL

But to be honest, my makeup last night wasn't Japanese nor Korean inspired, so yeah.

I'm guessing she referred to the clothes too.

SO YEAH.

When I got home, I fed the cats, and then I proceeded to add the Heart on my cheek...and....

This was the result!

( =A= ) The only part I like is the break XD
But it was fun, recording this.


I never tried recording with Snowball that far from me.
It actually worked out fine.

And yes, despite the extreme reverb >_>;
It IS live lol.

I friggin' forgot to remove the reverb.


But yeah. Now I'm tired.


So yeah, good morning.

Take care!

Swatches of some cream shadows I own will be up later :)

-Nisah-

Shifting Back to Music...

I know, I know, this is supposed to be a Beauty Blog....but apparently I suck at that. Heck, there's a lot of things I wanna do, I just can't seem to do them >A<; like swatches and reviews. ARGH.

Maybe later, maybe D:
I do wanna swatch a few palettes.

Anyway, I'm back to making music. Kinda.

Tomorrow, or rather, later, after I wake up---HOLY SHIT, it's 4AM!!!

Yeah, I'm planning to survey acoustic guitars and some guitar thingies---I mean, accessories.

I do actually have an electric guitar, but I only took her out yesterday night :x
And damn, not only have I forgotten all the chords, I can't take her weight Dx

Poor Charlotte...

Even the plastic protection is still on her D:

I bought her back in 2010...that was a long time ago.

She still looks brand new lol.

Did you know that I used to sleep with her on the bed?

Because I didn't have a stand.

I still don't.

That's why, I'm gonna go on a lookout.

Since I already have my midi cable, I can finally connect my Yammy to Macky.

Meant to be~

Yammy was bought back in 2009, while I was in the UK.

Both keyboard and electric guitar is barely used.

I'm guilty.

So yeah, to get an acoustic guitar....I wonder if I'd play it?

I really want classes in both piano and guitar actually.

Since so far, people who tried to teach me, failed.

Well, except for Far, but most of my "teachers" are male.

And honestly, I can't focus if it's male.

Dunno why.

Because I feel embarrassed?

But then again, honestly, my main strength is vocals and maybe, uh, lyric writing to a stretch?

Oh, that and vocal tune drafting.

I don't have vocal lessons either.

I think I need it ):

Especially with my throat being troll-like nowadays.

*Yawns*

I want to be able to make music, fully, on my own.

I have the vocal capabilities....just, composing and mixing...
And actual use of the instruments need a lot of work.


I also need a proper recording room.


I need to finish recording EXIST.

It has been too long.

I've been writing many songs too, not all are done.
Mostly English, but trying to shift back to Japanese again.

When I write in English, it is mostly shallow songs.
Not much depth lyrically.

But when I write in Japanese, I can be more adult about it.


I dunno.
Maturity levels differ?


Language can do that.


Anyway, I am sleepy.

So, yeah, take care!


-Nisah-

My Recent Song Covers...

Recently I felt like covering some new songs. I am working on my original stuff too but it's hard to decide which ones I really want to work with all the drafts I have. I write mostly English songs nowadays. I have some Japanese ones too but yeah, my Japanese is really rusty so yeah.

I recorded a cover of Taylor Swift's song, 'RED', last night. I empathised with my lil' sis' situation (though now it's okay) and then I started listening to the song more.

And then, I found out there's a piano version of the instrumental and I fell in love with it.

It's more mellow.

Much more emotional I guess.

And then BAM, this is what I came up with:

It's not my best vocal work (didn't warm up and stuff, but to be fair, I never warm up). I like it if the song I cover has that....raw quality. Sounds live? I guess.

This song was hard, vocal timing wise. I can't imagine covering the original version.

I love the lyrics, especially the chorus I guess:

"Losing him was blue like I'd never known

Missing him was dark grey all alone

Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met

But loving him was red

Loving him was red"

I actually wanna dye my hair red. Not because of this song, LOL. I've always wanted to dye my hair red.

Though vibrant red won't look good for university I guess.

I also covered one of my favourite songs from Marina:

This was a fail lip-syncing for fun XD

"How to Be a Heartbreaker".

I don't want to break anyone's hearts, but I can relate. Of course, if possible, I don't want to feel heartbreak again. To me, just once is enough.

I recorded Lies because I felt so depressed. I felt like breaking down. But recording helped me keep myself composed.

My favourite lyrics:

You're too proud to say that you've made a mistake

You're a coward to the end

I don't wanna admit, but we're not gonna fit

No, I'm not the type that you like

Why don't we just pretend?

This song was tricky.

Marina did such a good work on it, it seems so bad. LOL.

My mixing skills aren't getting better :/

I think, of all of them, my favourite cover is either HtBaH or RED.

RED sounds so unpolished though, and the latter had a bad instrumental.

But yeah.


Yesterday, I bought this game called 'Don't Starve'.

Can't wait to play it :D

I gifted a code to my friend and she's enjoying it!!


Okay then, it's late and I should be sleeping!!

Take care, stay safe!

Good day/night!

-Nisah-