Giving Oreo Away...

...was the worst feeling/decision ever.

I can't lie.
Couldn't sleep the whole night and I kept crying every time I tried to sleep.


I guess it was the stress of it all.
Giving two kittens away, then one of them coming back accidentally caused one of the worst things ever: Shyla being shunned by her four remaining kittens.

They hissed, they jumped everywhere, I screamed. It was painful to watch.
Seeing Socks, the small kitten actually JUMP OFF the roof out of fear and shock was just too much for me.

What turned out to be a day where Oreo was supposed to be given away turned into one of the worst days ever.

I had to keep Shyla in the house somehow, it was hard. She didn't want to sleep in my room, she didn't want to sleep outside at the hall.

I was awake all night, trying not to let her cry too much.

The person who was supposed to pick up Oreo on that dreadful night couldn't make it.
I actually forgot that I asked if she could pick him up the next day.

Difficult, it was, because I already took Oreo away from the cage he shared with Fini and Megan, to bathe him.
Trying to reintroduce him was hard.

But thankfully it was fine.

I was busy the next day. Family function and trying to reunite Shyla and the kittens.



When she suddenly texted that she was gonna come by that night, I felt surprised and quite sad.

Originally, after playing with Oreo and letting him roam around, I was going to text her to cancel the whole adoption (if you're reading this somehow, I really was) because I thought she was going to pick him up next Saturday.

When she said that she was gonna pick him up, I was a bit devastated.
It was hard to say no when she's already on the way to pick him up from a far place.


I was tired, Oreo was everywhere, on me, on my dad, my mom...it seemed like he knew.
Already so emotionally stressed, I just played with him, humoured him as much as possible.


But toward the end, when Shyla's already reunited with the kittens, Oreo started being evasive, hiding under the couch. My dad said that he probably have sensed that he was gonna be given away.


He was really struggling when we finally managed to catch him. He was really running away.

When I gave him away, I was really reluctant.

Deep down, I knew, if I said, "No, you can't have him."
Then I'll be breaking my promise.


But it was heartbreaking seeing him ram the carrier they brought to place him in.
He was really, really trying to get away, with his sad 'meows' I've heard other cats cry out when they're adopted.


I really wanted to cry but I didn't let myself.

My dad was all like, "Why did you give him away? He was perfectly fine with the rest of the cats."
Mom was acting like that too.

It was just too much for me.
I started crying when I was praying that night.

I wanted him to have a better place to stay, where he can play around better.
My family is not keen on having the cats roam around despite being housecats, which I think was unfair.

It was giving me too much stress.
I get easily depressed but this, this burden they let me carry on my own.


I've put Oreo up for adoption for a long time and no one wanted him.
When I felt that it was maybe a sign for him to be adopted, I quickly offered him, without even thinking.


I'm an emotional wreck, mentally and physically exhausted too.
Wtf did I do?


I'm just crying right now.


Not being able to sleep, every time I tried to sleep, I see Oreo and Fini in the hammock, snuggled together and I fucking broke them apart.

Fini might be pregnant and I took away the father of the kittens.

WTF DID I DO.


I couldn't sleep a wink, I know I should but I can't.

I started getting early signs of depression again.
Like, one of the worst kinds, like the one I had dealing with my ex.


I am just very, very sad.


I asked my dad as I fed the cats, "Can I ask for Oreo back?"

He said no, as it's very rude to do so after they came for him from a far place.



I wasn't emotionally ready when I received the text.
I was ready to say goodbye to him the other day, not yesterday.


I could have said "No." but the me who tries to honour my promises can't do that.


But I really want to ask for Oreo back.

But is that a wise decision when I'm in this emotional wreck state?



I guess everything is meant to happen for some other reason.


Having one of our 'babies' taken away, God has (hopefully) given us another.
This time, a baby that we have all been waiting for.


When I was writing this, my sister knocked on my door and told me to check my phone.
"Our sister's pregnant."


She has been waiting for this baby for a long time.
She was against me giving away Oreo but I told her, "Maybe it's for the best."



I don't know what to think.


I'm a mix of emotions.
I'm sad, happy...bittersweet.



Giving away a cat and God gives us a baby? (Actually, three cats if you count the two kittens)
Please, please, I pray for a safe pregnancy.

She has been waiting for this baby for a long time.


It's still early but please, let this be realised.


Amin.
Alhamdulillah.


I just don't wanna be depressed anymore.



It's a vicious cycle.





And I'm tired of it.

Really tired of it.


-Nisah-