Hello...
It's been a while since I last blogged. I'm so sorry!
I've been having a hard week or two, and apparently it caused me to have my period again.
Anyway, I actually had a Miri haul I was supposed to put up, but I actually didn't take photos. I can still include it in a collective haul post I guess.
Going back to the title of the post...yes.
I'm trying to lose 10kg (22 pounds). I just started working out again yesterday. Today too.
I dunno how long I'm supposed to expect myself to be at that state, 2 months? Or less? Hopefully.
Last year, I worked out a lot. That was until I got really ill.
My stomach problems really got in the way.
I didn't gain much weight back, in fact, I actually lost weight (mostly muscle?). I'm at 60kg.
Yes. I'm that heavy.
I was heaviest in 2009, at 71kg I think. Or even more!! *edit: I think it was 75kg o.o*
My height is at 5'2, or about 157.5cm/158cm.
My BMI is at about 24-24.2....which is actually NORMAL.
I just checked.
Omg lol. I'm at normal!
BUT my target weight is really at 50kg, even 48kg if possible.
I'm never been lean, so that's my goal.
You know how smaller clothes are cheaper sometimes? Yeah, that's one of the reasons.
Plus, I need to look good for my new single.
I don't wanna look chubby ):
Should I take my measurements? Yeah, I should.
Anyway, I'm gonna work out with Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred.
I'm at Level 1 for now.
At the same time, I'm gonna mix it up with Blogilates and some other stuff.
As with food, I'm gonna try and cook for myself.
BUT OH.
Chocolates ):
My weakness.
Anyway, it's sooo hard to lose weight in a family like mine.
But I need to learn self control on my own.
Yeah.
Boring update BUT I really need to lose weight.
Are you on a weightloss journey too?
Do you think I can survive?
Can I lose 5kg in a month?
I think so.
I can do this. I don't need a gym.
I wished that our treadmill is working though ( ;w; ) it's much more enjoyable.
COME AT ME, MUSCLE SORENESS!!!
'til then, take care!
Selamat Hari Raya, Eid Mubarak!!
-Nisah-
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Absence, Leave and Medication
Hey :) it's been a while, hasn't it? It's a shame I haven't been blogging because a lot of things have happened between the last time I blogged until today. Or rather, yesterday. As you can see from the title, I'll be talking about all three in this post. Maybe some random things here and there too.
First of all, the last time I blogged was 1st of September. Now it's already the 23rd of October. That's a long time :( I really can't recall most of the things that happened, to be honest.
Ever since that day, I've been going to every single place except for university to get myself in better health. I went back to my psychiatrist to deal with my depression, I went to some religious healers to deal with the spirits that's been bothering me (highlight it if you want to see it) and then I was hospitalized around the 21st of September due to chronic stomach pains. I couldn't take staying at the hospital for a long time so I told them I wanted to be discharged early. I was alone, sad and physically in pain. No one really visited and actually stayed to accompany me for a while. In the end all I could do was read some ebooks.
Ironically enough, I was reading 'My Sister's Keeper', which is about a girl, Anna, who wants to get rights to her own body by bringing her parents to court. It's also about a cancer patient, her sister, Kate. It's an interesting read (if you haven't watched the movie). I haven't finished reading it though.
Since then, I've been going back and forth from private clinics to public hospitals and then back to a private hospital. I felt like Kate. I don't want to rely on medication and hospitals though. Today I met up with a specialist from said private hospital. It was expensive ( u_u ) mom even said that she might need to get me health insurance.
The amount of medicine I have to take multiplied like hell today. You can see on the snapwidget on the left. That's not even the most of it.
....I'm actually suffering one of those abdominal pains as I'm typing right now lol but I shall carry on.
What I've been suffering is: throwing up regularly every time I eat and abdominal pain that comes and goes like hell. It's been nearly 2 months now. I actually lost weight because of this.
Some people may think it's nothing serious. Heck, sometimes, I try to convince myself it's nothing serious but, it's a bit abnormal, don't you think?
Why all of a sudden?
Why now?
I don't know why. Is it related to my depression? To be honest, all the throwing up and stomach pains actually make the depression worse.
It makes me think of a certain someone.
How I wished that person was here with me.
Because sometimes, I feel so suicidal just to convince my family that I need medical help.
You see, I've been having ups and downs just to convince them, to take me to the hospital. My dad doesn't like the hospital much and my mom has been really busy with her work. The thing with my dad is that he gets on my nerves.
Nowadays, I'd rather him not be there when I'm at the hospital or on the way to he hospital. Just because, he stresses me up too much. It's a lovehate relationship. I'm happier when he's not around me when I'm ill. But I like it if we're just going out of dinner with the family and stuff. Shopping and stuff.
But with health stuff: NO THANK YOU.
Mom, as much as I appreciate her being there when she's available, she's getting on my nerves as well. I don't know if it's my hormones going wild or that the pain has made me just irritable, even the way she talks sounds offensive to me.
But either way, I'm just slumped with all these things happening to me.
Sometimes, just sometimes...
...I'd rather die.
It's the kind where it's like, "I don't wanna wake up nor sleep" kind of thing.
Sure, part of the blame is that I'm impatient.
But I've been patient way too much. They kept delaying and delaying going to see the doctor.
See where it's brought me?
To more hospital visits.
The worst thing is I guess, both my depression and my sickness has forced me to stop attending university altogether. I thought it was for the best but sometimes, I think it was a wrong decision. Even resting at home, I get stressed and depressed by my family.
What's home to rest in if it causes you distress instead?
Now, they've started using the reason that I'm not attending university as a means to strip me off of my laptop and stuff.
Seriously, how can I not be stressed and depressed when it's so depressing at home and everywhere I go?
Sometimes I'm surprised I'm still alive.
There were nights, when I wanted to go to the hospital because it hurt so much and they gave a blind eye to it, I contemplated stabbing my stomach BECAUSE it hurt that much.
No amount of tears managed to make them take me to the hospital then.
Thankfully, now I'm getting proper help. Or something similar.
But my family will still try to make me feel bad. With all the medical costs.
If I had the money, of course I'd pay for myself. I would.
Mom even had the nerve of asking if I threw up on purpose D: BEFORE today's appointment. I got so insulted and stressed, my head started hurting. Even until now.
I think I'm having a fever.
I should rest.
I'm really craving for potatoes right now. And sushi.
But I'm afraid of wasting them when I have to throw up.
I hate wasting food and for the last 2 months, I have.
Now I have to deal with medicines. Lots of them. Until my next appointment.
I'm gonna have a colonoscopy and endoscopy to check my intestines and stomach.
Hopefully they'll find out why my abdomen's been hurting and that I've been throwing up everything I eat.
Hopefully all is better soon.
Soon.
Very soon.
Everything will get better.
Physically, mentally and emotionally.
Everything.
Take care, then :)
Goodnight, sweet dreams!
-Nisah-
First of all, the last time I blogged was 1st of September. Now it's already the 23rd of October. That's a long time :( I really can't recall most of the things that happened, to be honest.
Ever since that day, I've been going to every single place except for university to get myself in better health. I went back to my psychiatrist to deal with my depression, I went to some religious healers to deal with the spirits that's been bothering me (highlight it if you want to see it) and then I was hospitalized around the 21st of September due to chronic stomach pains. I couldn't take staying at the hospital for a long time so I told them I wanted to be discharged early. I was alone, sad and physically in pain. No one really visited and actually stayed to accompany me for a while. In the end all I could do was read some ebooks.
Ironically enough, I was reading 'My Sister's Keeper', which is about a girl, Anna, who wants to get rights to her own body by bringing her parents to court. It's also about a cancer patient, her sister, Kate. It's an interesting read (if you haven't watched the movie). I haven't finished reading it though.
Since then, I've been going back and forth from private clinics to public hospitals and then back to a private hospital. I felt like Kate. I don't want to rely on medication and hospitals though. Today I met up with a specialist from said private hospital. It was expensive ( u_u ) mom even said that she might need to get me health insurance.
The amount of medicine I have to take multiplied like hell today. You can see on the snapwidget on the left. That's not even the most of it.
....I'm actually suffering one of those abdominal pains as I'm typing right now lol but I shall carry on.
What I've been suffering is: throwing up regularly every time I eat and abdominal pain that comes and goes like hell. It's been nearly 2 months now. I actually lost weight because of this.
Some people may think it's nothing serious. Heck, sometimes, I try to convince myself it's nothing serious but, it's a bit abnormal, don't you think?
Why all of a sudden?
Why now?
I don't know why. Is it related to my depression? To be honest, all the throwing up and stomach pains actually make the depression worse.
It makes me think of a certain someone.
How I wished that person was here with me.
Because sometimes, I feel so suicidal just to convince my family that I need medical help.
You see, I've been having ups and downs just to convince them, to take me to the hospital. My dad doesn't like the hospital much and my mom has been really busy with her work. The thing with my dad is that he gets on my nerves.
Nowadays, I'd rather him not be there when I'm at the hospital or on the way to he hospital. Just because, he stresses me up too much. It's a lovehate relationship. I'm happier when he's not around me when I'm ill. But I like it if we're just going out of dinner with the family and stuff. Shopping and stuff.
But with health stuff: NO THANK YOU.
Mom, as much as I appreciate her being there when she's available, she's getting on my nerves as well. I don't know if it's my hormones going wild or that the pain has made me just irritable, even the way she talks sounds offensive to me.
But either way, I'm just slumped with all these things happening to me.
Sometimes, just sometimes...
...I'd rather die.
It's the kind where it's like, "I don't wanna wake up nor sleep" kind of thing.
Sure, part of the blame is that I'm impatient.
But I've been patient way too much. They kept delaying and delaying going to see the doctor.
See where it's brought me?
To more hospital visits.
The worst thing is I guess, both my depression and my sickness has forced me to stop attending university altogether. I thought it was for the best but sometimes, I think it was a wrong decision. Even resting at home, I get stressed and depressed by my family.
What's home to rest in if it causes you distress instead?
Now, they've started using the reason that I'm not attending university as a means to strip me off of my laptop and stuff.
Seriously, how can I not be stressed and depressed when it's so depressing at home and everywhere I go?
Sometimes I'm surprised I'm still alive.
There were nights, when I wanted to go to the hospital because it hurt so much and they gave a blind eye to it, I contemplated stabbing my stomach BECAUSE it hurt that much.
No amount of tears managed to make them take me to the hospital then.
Thankfully, now I'm getting proper help. Or something similar.
But my family will still try to make me feel bad. With all the medical costs.
If I had the money, of course I'd pay for myself. I would.
Mom even had the nerve of asking if I threw up on purpose D: BEFORE today's appointment. I got so insulted and stressed, my head started hurting. Even until now.
I think I'm having a fever.
I should rest.
I'm really craving for potatoes right now. And sushi.
But I'm afraid of wasting them when I have to throw up.
I hate wasting food and for the last 2 months, I have.
Now I have to deal with medicines. Lots of them. Until my next appointment.
I'm gonna have a colonoscopy and endoscopy to check my intestines and stomach.
Hopefully they'll find out why my abdomen's been hurting and that I've been throwing up everything I eat.
Hopefully all is better soon.
Soon.
Very soon.
Everything will get better.
Physically, mentally and emotionally.
Everything.
Take care, then :)
Goodnight, sweet dreams!
-Nisah-
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Dry Skin Woes. Early Period Woes. Missed Period Woes.
No, I'm not going to post a pic of it but just imagine, cheeks with lots of scars and active breakouts and to top that off, dry flaky skin.
I guess it's from me using the Nixoderm (I have to stop for now) and I had to steam my face for a bit. That was yesterday.
Today, it was less dry, but still dry toward the night.
As of now, I mean. I'm using SkinLab's Concentrated Vitamin E Cream again to combat it. It's not the most moisturizing but it would do for now.
I had two consecutive emotional breakdowns (which I won't elaborate here) and just tonight, I noticed a (TMI here, so I'm sorry) discharge with blood. I'm like, so wtf-ed because that means I'm two weeks plus early for my period.
My friend said it must be either stress, poor nutrition and other stuff. All of it, I guess.
I'm not happy about it. It also made me realize that I missed my period in March.
Like. How come I never realized that.
My April time of the month was a couple days early....
...and now, two-three weeks early?
That would explain my horrible mood swings.
So horrible. So very horrible.
I don't know.
There's definitely something abnormal with it. I'm not happy.
I never realized I haven't been taking care of myself properly.
I just didn't realize.
Maybe tomorrow, I'll either have a product swatch and mini review maybe.
I tested out the Dolly Wink Retractable Eyeliner (I guess that's what it's called) and I was amazed (at the swatch) at how it didn't smudge, budge...I even had a hard time removing it.
I guess I should try it out on the eyes if my mood is stable enough.
'til then :D
-Nisah-
P.S: I know it's short and uneventful but yeah, sorry ):
I guess it's from me using the Nixoderm (I have to stop for now) and I had to steam my face for a bit. That was yesterday.
Today, it was less dry, but still dry toward the night.
As of now, I mean. I'm using SkinLab's Concentrated Vitamin E Cream again to combat it. It's not the most moisturizing but it would do for now.
I had two consecutive emotional breakdowns (which I won't elaborate here) and just tonight, I noticed a (TMI here, so I'm sorry) discharge with blood. I'm like, so wtf-ed because that means I'm two weeks plus early for my period.
My friend said it must be either stress, poor nutrition and other stuff. All of it, I guess.
I'm not happy about it. It also made me realize that I missed my period in March.
Like. How come I never realized that.
My April time of the month was a couple days early....
...and now, two-three weeks early?
That would explain my horrible mood swings.
So horrible. So very horrible.
I don't know.
There's definitely something abnormal with it. I'm not happy.
I never realized I haven't been taking care of myself properly.
I just didn't realize.
Maybe tomorrow, I'll either have a product swatch and mini review maybe.
I tested out the Dolly Wink Retractable Eyeliner (I guess that's what it's called) and I was amazed (at the swatch) at how it didn't smudge, budge...I even had a hard time removing it.
I guess I should try it out on the eyes if my mood is stable enough.
'til then :D
-Nisah-
P.S: I know it's short and uneventful but yeah, sorry ):
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