I am in someone else's womb...

It started off good, today. Well, I woke up late so I couldn't go to the lecture. But it was fine because I was meeting good friends in the afternoon. It was fine, it was fine.

I had a good dream where there was this superstore that sold everything. From Etude House, to TheFaceShop, SkinFood....everything. It was just one superstore. It was one big dream, then somehow crushed into something.

The trees outside my window was burning, everything was burning right in front of my eyes. I tried looking for Shyla but I found that she escaped and got caught by dogs.

I couldn't save her.

I woke up to my mom's call. I was dead to the world. Woken up by a phone call, asking "Are you going to lecture today?"

...
It was too late.

I woke up with bad chest pains. I had a bad dream.

I took my meds. It took a while to wake up.

I live on medication.
And I'm still so young.

Why do I let one mere person affect me so?
Why am I letting one mere 'ant' affect me so?

I couldn't save 'her'.
Nor could I save myself.


I'm already broken.
You can't break what's already broken.

It just keeps breaking.

And breaking.


....and breaking.

No matter how good you try to put them back together, in the end, it'll still break.

Because it's broken.


People ask me why I am willing to give gifts to strangers, help people out so freely, just give freely...give gifts to someone I barely know.

It's because if I can make someone happy, even for just a second, at least I know, my waking, breathing days still have meaning.

I want to be able to make someone happy.

Even when I'm unhappy.

Say, through a song.
You're having a rough day, you feel like crying, you listen to it and it makes you smile.

I want that.

Or read a book that I wrote and you laugh.

I want that.


I want that.
I really want that.


But I'm broken.

I'm broken.


My mom's tired of it. I'm sure she wished I was never born. I'm nothing but trouble.

I'm the bad apple.

I'm the black sheep.


I want to give what I can to people who need it.
Just before I decay away.

I'm decaying away....